To all the overconfident drunk guys at the bar,
I’m writing today about the time we have shared over these past legal (or potentially illegal) weekends of your life.
I have loyally served you drinks after you flash me a smile (or angrily wave a $20 bill).
I have tolerated your catcalls, and I have given you the same incorrect phone number for months now.
I have silently dealt with you cursing and slurring after I refuse to serve you, but your generous tips can only keep me quiet for so long.
Now, due to the fact I'm a woman, I’ll be writing this from a female perspective.
But, you’re a fool to think my male counterparts don’t feel the same way.
No, I’m not a stripper or a prostitute, and no, my occupation by night does not even remotely mirror my 9-to-5.
I’m a bartender, and according to my job description, I’m supposed to serve you drinks.
With that being said, I’m not required to make out with you, tell you you’re hot or (my personal favorite) go home with you.
I'm not required to go anywhere with you, for that matter.
Nevertheless, so many partiers have this misconception that bartenders are looking for something to do once their shifts are over (if you know what I mean).
For some, that may be the case, but I can attest this is not true for the most part.
It may come as a surprise, but many bartenders do not bartend for a living.
Instead, like most nightlife jobs, it’s a second or maybe even third source of income to support some other aspect of one’s life.
The same way a truant student is a nuisance to a teacher, an overly aggressive drunk guy is a nuisance to a bartender.
Having to tell someone, “No” repeatedly is not only exhausting, but it is also usually dramatic.
The last thing you want is for me to give my security guard the look.
We both know that will end with you out on the sidewalk in the cold.
Technically, so long as I am the one providing you alcohol, you are my responsibility.
The last thing I need is a lawsuit because I gave you one too many shots.
If I cut you off, it’s for a reason.
So, what am I getting at?
It’s quite simple: Let bartenders do their jobs.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t talk to them beyond “I’ll have a gin and tonic please,” but read the situation.
If she wants to chat, she will make it clear.
If not, turn around.
You’re in a nightclub, Einstein.
Chances are, there are dozens of wonderful ladies who would gladly love to give you a moment of their time.
Oh, and here’s a tip: Just because she flashes you a sweet smile and bats those false eyelashes, that does not mean she “wants the D.”
A large portion of what we pocket from the evening is based on tips.
So, as much as it kills your ego to hear this, she’s probably smiling at the guy in line behind you and the guy behind him.
Lastly, the “I was drunk” excuse is no exception.
Some of what I have witnessed could definitely be considered sexual or verbal assault.
How well do you think the “I was drunk” excuse would hold up in court?
Moral of the story? Be polite.
Next time you and your buds hit up the club, and your buddy suggests tequila shots, think twice.
What if the woman behind the bar was your girlfriend?
Would you appreciate your bud whistling at her and grabbing her waist over the bar (which, BTW, is like the biggest no-no ever)?
Although she may not be your girl, chances are, she is someone else’s.
Plus, she’s definitely someone’s daughter.
This is not some feminist rant or a generalization that all men are pigs.
You and I both know that’s false.
This is just a simple call to treat others the way you want to be treated and to respect other people’s workspace.
At the end of the day, a job is a job, and there will always be bullsh*t you have to put up with.
But we can at least try to keep the BS to a minimum, right?
Stay thirsty, my friends.
Your favorite beer opener, shot pourer and drink mixer