60 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head In The 60 Minutes Before Happy Hour

By Gigi Engle

You haven’t had much in the way of assignments for the last two hours. Everyone in the office is getting antsy. You’re starting to move around nervously in your office chair, mindlessly sending funny GIFs to your work friends.

It’s that terrible time of day when you’re finished doing anything remotely productive and, instead, trying to get through the next 60 minutes -- the 60 minutes standing between you and the paradise that is happy hour.

It's easily the longest hour of the day. The minutes creep by like hours and you grow more nervous with each passing second.

The sweat is collecting at the small of your back, and all you can think about is that ice-cold pint you’re going to be enjoying in the very near future.

Why does it feel like a century away? Call it first world problems all you want, but the struggle is real.

These are the 60 thoughts of every Millennial worker bee in the 60 grueling minutes before happy hour:

4:00 pm OMG, how is it only 4 o'clock?

4:01 pm Time is moving at a glacial pace.

4:02 pm I can see my fingernails growing, I’m pretty sure.

4:03 pm I guess I’ll Google happy hours.

4:04 pm Just kidding. I already know where every drink special is within six blocks of this building.

4:05 pm I WANT A BEER.

4:06 pm Or do I want wine?

4:07 pm How many Twitter followers do I have?

4:08 pm Oh god, please tell me that beep wasn’t my Gmail.

4:09 pm In the clear, phew. Just another company-wide memo.

4:10 pm Wow, it’s been 10 minutes; it feels like it’s been 10 centuries.

4:11 pm I wonder if there are any Groupons for a gel mani.

4:12 pm It is so hot in here. It’s like "Dante’s Inferno" up in this b*tch.

4:13 pm Spinning around in this chair is making me so dizzy.

4:14 pm Let me just shoot some peeps a message about happy hour.

4:15 pm Looks like everyone is getting as stir-crazy as me, considering I got three “hell yeahs.”

4:16 pm It is truly impossible that time is moving this slowly right now.

4:17 pm It’s making me want to die.

4:18 pm Will I get judged if I do a tequila shot the minute we get to the bar?

4:19 pm Forty-one minutes -- 41 f*cking minutes. How?

4:20 pm 4:20, hey! It’s like high school again, but I’m in an office and sober.

4:21 pm That’s depressing.

4:22 pm My mind is melting.

4:23 pm It’s like a hot, goopy mess of mush.

4:24 pm Get me out of here.

4:25 pm I did so many things today.

4:26 pm I deserve a beer.

4:27 pm Is this why I’m single?

4:28 pm This is definitely contributing to my singledom.

4:29 pm #ForeverAlone

4:30 pm Halfway there, baby! We are half-way there!

4:31 pm Ugh, that means there are still 30 minutes left.

4:32 pm I’m not going to make it.

4:33 pm I can see the light!

4:34 pm I think I’ll send everyone a GIF that describes my feelings right now.

4:35 pm This one of Lauren Conrad crying with her makeup running down her face is just the one.

4:36 pm Scored some genuine chuckles.

4:37 pm Time to spin around in my chair again.

4:38 pm Instantly regret that decision.

4:39 pm Should I get a haircut?

4:40 pm How do I feel about bangs?

4:41 pm I could probably rock bangs.

4:42 pm Is my deodorant working?

4:43 pm Can I get away with a casual sniff?

4:44 pm Yeah, I don’t think anyone saw that.

4:45 pm Fifteen minutes! Thank you, baby Jesus!

4:46 pm I think I can smell the beer emanating from the bar next door.

4:47 pm Definitely losing my mind.

4:48 pm I wish LiLo would be my friend.

4:49 pm We’d have so much fun together.

4:50 pm Chugging through these last 10 minutes is like chewing on glass.

4:51 pm Painfully…

4:52 pm Slow.

4:53 pm I’m going to start casually packing up and hope no one notices.

4:54 pm Haven’t had an email in forever.

4:55 pm Tick tock, tick tock.

4:56 pm Basically hanging out of my seat.

4:57 pm AHHHHHHH!!!

4:58 pm *Spinning in my chair again*

4:59 pm So dizzy.

5:00 pm Salvation!!!

5:05 pm CHEERS!

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It