Am I Losing My Mind? Or Am I Just In My 20s?
You’re on a roller coaster that is moments from taking off.
You’re feeling everything you can possibly feel: excitement, fear, anxiety, nausea and everything in between.
Is this ride worth the hype? Will I die?
As you’re sitting back and wondering, the roller coaster deviously soars off into the heights of the sky, and you suddenly realize you don’t have a seatbelt.
Welcome to your 20s.
Being in your 20s can best be described by gracefully trying to become an adult one day and trying to decide which accessory best matches your straight jacket the next day.
Let’s be real: Living in your 20s today is akin to living your life a hair away from a Britney Spears meltdown. No one said growing up is easy, and thank God because no one likes a liar.
Is this growing up? I’m broke, I’m single, and I’m chubby. Is this what I rushed my entire childhood of sitting on my ass and not having a care in the world for?
I remember when I used to have baby teeth and things were simple.
Like it or not, your 20s are the time when you transition from a young adult into the real thing. Spread your wings and fly, or be prepared to fall.
Once you hit your 20s, everyone starts throwing around the "A" word: adult. (I bet for the first time in your life, you wished I meant anal.)
You graduate from college, and now your parents want you to start paying rent and all of your bills or move out and live on your own? What’s next?
Finding the cure for cancer on the weekends? I thought you loved me, Mom.
Starting a career is no simple task, and neither is trying not to drown in the rush of working full-time.
This leads you to wonder why you couldn’t have been born a Kardashian.
Most of us are thrown into the real world like we’re being pushed off a plank.
Many of us start our early 20s in entry-level positions, and for most of us, it’s our first real job with real responsibilities.
Rest in peace, low-stress days of working at the Baby Gap at your local mall after high school.
Did you sell a pair of those new infant jeans to a customer? Great! You didn’t? Oh well, maybe you will tomorrow or maybe never. See you tomorrow!
That is not how a real job works. You must learn how to do your job effectively and efficiently and produce results.
Get used to the harsh reality that you’re employed to make someone money. The more money you make someone, the more secure you are in your job. Welcome to the real world.
Due to the stress and demands of working a real job in the last year, my weight has fluctuated so much that Christina Aguilera told me to get my sh*t together.
When I used to sleep, I’d dream of becoming a superstar or having a pink drop-top Mercedes.
Today, I dream of disappearing onto an island like Amelia Earhart, never to be seen again. Bye!
Working a real job means you see the same people every day.
Don’t hook up with your coworkers if you have a rash, and don’t have Mexican for lunch then demolish the plumbing in the company bathroom and think no one will notice. (They will, take it from me.)
Business is cold, so be careful who you trust. Not everyone you think is your friend truly is.
One thing I have always admired about the job of a prostitute is that every day, you get to work with a different staff.
There’s no “Remember when you had 12 Mike’s Hard Lemonades at the holiday party and threw up on the rug?” when you’re a prostitute. Prostitutes always get to keep it fresh. Well, kind of.
Be smart with your fun(ds). If you’re working full-time, you probably have more money than you’ve ever had in previous years.
Direct deposit is the best and worst thing that can happen to any Millennial. I hide daily from my feelings, reality and the number in my bank account.
Your 20s are the time to learn to be good with money because you’re kind of a kid. Save, save, save. If you have $100, spend $80.
If you’re really good with your money, spend $60. Be conscious of your spending. Maybe you don’t need to go to brunch every weekend. Maybe you don’t need that venti frappuccino.
Pick your battles so someday, you can lounge in a penthouse.
Many people seem to find love in their 20s, and at this point, I’d be able to lucky to find my left shoe in the natural disaster I like to call “my room.”
Now is the time society expects you to find love. And by society, I mean your grandma at every family function.
No one wants to date me, Grandma, and when someone does, I will make sure to summon a pep rally. By the end of your 20s, a majority of the people you know will be engaged. Yeah, I also just threw up.
When will NYU offer a master’s degree in "How To Find Your Soul Mate"? I have a check waiting. The most frightening thing about finding love in your 20s is your 20s are truly considered your “prime.”
If I can’t find love in my gorgeous youth, who will want me when I have stretch marks and have consumed close to a lifetime supply of Ben & Jerry’s?
Remember when your whole class was your Valentine? I miss you all. Call me.
You can’t force love, and you do have to wait for the right one to come along.
Is the guy who tries to take you home during last call at that dive bar your Prince Charming who will give you the “happy ever after” you always dreamed of? Probably not.
Everyone needs a one-night stand once in a while, but don’t let your “one-night stand” turn into Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights.
Be smart and think with your brain, not your private parts. Herpes is forever, people!
Stop giving significant thought to insignificant people. Chances are, the person who leaves you waiting for seven hours to answer your text message is the same person who will leave you waiting at the altar.
When you feel like your world is falling apart, never forget you’re not alone. Your 20s are your time to get your sh*t together.
No one is perfect, so keep your head up and never stop trying to better yourself. These years, as rough as they may be, are the years you will never get back.
When things are good, appreciate and savor those moments, and never take them for granted. When things are rough, trust your struggle. Everything you endure and experience is a stepping-stone for your future, and you have your whole life ahead of you.
Don’t count out tomorrow because today sucks.
Dear 20-something-year-old, you’re a beautiful mess. Keep going.