Cry Me A River: The 14 Ways To Make The Most Of Your Sorrows


In life, you have to take the good times with the bad. Not everything is going to be rainbows and butterflies, and sometimes, you just aren’t going to be happy. Maybe it’s post-breakup, maybe it’s because you lost your job, or maybe it’s for no reason at all.

While in no way is it a good idea to completely give into your melancholy feelings and just be a miserable f*ck (that’s depression, brotha!), it is occasionally strangely enjoyable to wallow in your own sadness and self-pity. Once in a while, you have to just succumb to the weird comfort of your own sadness and, oddly enough, feel much better after doing so.

Here are some of the activities you can partake in when you really want to get "turnt up with your" gloom and wallow in your own sh*tty mood.

1. Listen To Sad Music

This is the quintessential thing to do when you are feeling sad and want to mope around. There are almost too many suggestions to give here, but the following are a few good options: “House Of Cards” by Radiohead, “Fix You” by Coldplay, “Breathe Me” by Sia, or “Adagio For Strings” by Samuel Barber.

2. Watch ASPCA Commercials

If these can make a 300-pound ex-convict cry on the spot (which I’m nearly positive they do), this will definitely open the floodgates for you. It’s been proven that when you are feeling sad, it’s therapeutic to cry it out. So when you need to just let it out, search YouTube for one of these heart-wrenching ads. Sit back while Sarah McLachlan’s angelic voice, paired with images of sad puppies and kittens leads you to your tearful reprieve.

3. Stare At Yourself In The Mirror

Self-pity is weirdly comforting when you are already feeling sad. Staring at your sad and/or tearful face in the mirror is almost like giving yourself a pat on the back and saying, “It’s okay, sport!” Just don’t sit there for too long or you’ll end up in an “Inception”-like state of unhappiness.

4. Look At Your Baby Photos

Wallow in your own self-pity by browsing through your baby and childhood pictures. Observe all of the joy, innocence and potential in your young face, juxtaposed with your current position (wrapped in blankets in the fetal position).

5. Wrap Yourself In Blankets

Wrapping yourself in fluffy blankets will mimic the feeling and comfort of being in the womb (I’m making that up), but you will probably feel cozy. If all else fails, just look at yourself in the mirror (see #3) and the sight of you looking like E.T. will surely lighten your mood. (Bonus: If you cover yourself in enough blankets, no one can hear you cry.)

6. Kick Rocks

It isn’t just an insult used by New Yorkers, or an imagery used for small kids in movies. Kicking rocks, pebbles, or other small objects, is actually a great activity when you’re on the train to sorrow-town. It takes minimal effort, and you can keep your head down as to not interrupt your brooding.

7. Eat A Grilled Cheese

If you don’t like grilled cheese, first of all, please stop lying to yourself. If you really can’t bear the cheesy heaven, you can replace grilled cheese with chocolate or some other comfort food. There is something about grilled cheese and its gooey goodness that is so very comforting. It also just seems like a good food to eat if you’re crying (not that I know from experience).

8. Drink Red Wine

Drink red wine when you are sad, rather than white wine. The melatonin in red wine will relax you, and if anything, put you to sleep. By the time you wake up, you’ll be feeling worlds better and forget you ever were sad. Just don’t overdue it because that could lead to like, alcoholism, and the last thing we need is another sad alcoholic roaming the streets.

9. Wear A Hoodie

Nothing says “leave me alone to wallow in my sadness” like a hoodie with the drawstrings pulled, so only your blowholes are exposed.

10. Call Your Mom/Family

If you are really sad and need a quick fix to feel better, call Mom, Dad, or whoever else gives a sh*t about you. They’ll most likely hear it in your voice and allow you to b*tch, moan, and cry to them about your problems, which will leave you feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Sometimes when you are feeling sulky, you just need to let it all out to someone. If family doesn’t work for you, try a therapist…just don’t do it to your barista, or like, a stranger.

11. Delete Contacts In Your Phone

This mindless activity will definitely bring you to that “numb” sad stage, which is actually a great sign, as it is the plateau of your shi*ty day, and you will soon begin to get over whatever is making you sad. You definitely have at least a few contacts that you know you will never actually call, so just delete them from your phone and feel the therapeutic vibes of cleaning house.

12. “Read” The Newspaper

Reading is another mindless activity to do. There’s nothing quite like browsing through a completely dead medium like the newspaper to make you feel better about your own life…unless you work for the newspaper, then just go back to deleting your contacts.

13. Watch A RomCom

Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon will always come to the rescue. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and when it’s over, you’ll hopefully realize it’s time to get over it.

14. Final Solution: SMOKE WEED

The aforementioned activities are great when you are in the mood to just wallow and mope around. But, if you aren’t feeling Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness, and you are in the market for a straight shot to happiness, just smoke some weed. No one in the history of pot has ever felt worse for doing so.

This is mostly satirical, and while it can be nice to revel in your unhappiness for a short period of time, it’s definitely not a good thing to feel like this perpetually. Either smoke some weed, or make some life changes, so you can move past this sad state and get on with the much more enjoyable and happy moments that await you!

Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr