If you're not a fan of putting a lot of thought into your Valentine's Day shopping, it's safe to assume your gift will include at least one of the following things: a heart-shaped box of chocolates, flowers that won't live that long and a card with a thoughtful message written by somebody else.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with these gifts, and if your primary goal is to have another person touch your genitals by the end of the night, there's a pretty good chance they're going to get the job done.
However, if you want to set yourself apart from the masses of people who will spend money on cards containing the type of writing reserved for romance novels, you're going to want to go with something a little less traditional.
Some of these cards can be found in the very same aisle as the overly sentimental exercises in corniness that will be hastily signed this Valentine's Day, while others require a bit more effort.
However, they're all examples of the kind of card your significant other will actually appreciate.
You can act like you bought the card as a shameless act of love, but it's easier for everyone if you just tell the truth.
Subtlety is overrated.
Pizza has been known to get jealous.
That's a whole lot of love.
This might be even deeper.
Love the cheesy scenery of romantic movies but hate the accompanying message? Then do I have a card for you!
Based on recent experiences, you won't even see it coming, and he'll deny it once he does despite everyone knowing the truth.
Hint: Avoid giving this card (or any card) if you think there's a chance the recipient doesn't know your name.
Don't listen to what everyone else says -- this is what true love really is.
On a shelf filled with dirty bird puns, one card rose above the odds to gain the recognition it deserved.
Looking for the perfect compliment this Valentine's Day? Look no further. You just found it.
Poetry doesn't have to rhyme to be beautiful.
The only thing more thoughtful than a handmade card is a handmade card with sex stuff on it.
This is especially true when that handmade card (and the aforementioned sex stuff) is 3D.