What Your ‘Type’ Of Guy Says About How Wounded You've Been In Relationships
We all have a type.
Whether it's tall, dark and handsome or short, fat and "walks 10 feet ahead of you in public," your type says a lot about who you are deep down inside.
People tend to choose partners who reflect their deepest neuroses. I believe this is because on a deep level, we are driven to grow.
The more a relationship can teach us about ourselves, the more successful it is, even if it doesn't work out.
I'm no therapist, but I've spent enough money on therapy to have earned another degree.
So, here's some total speculation on what your type of guy says about your deepest psychological wounds:
"Guys who are a lot bigger than me"
One of my girlfriends said she likes guys who are bigger than her.
A lot of women do, actually, and I believe this comes from nowhere other than (drumroll, please) THE PATRIARCHY.
For a short period of time, I exclusively dated bigger dudes, and it was only so I could feel tiny standing next to them.
Even now, when my boyfriend goes through a weight-loss period, I start hoping he'll put the pounds back on so I won't have to focus my precious energy on losing any.
Goddamn you, patriarchy.
If you only feel comfortable dating guys who weigh more than you do, it might be time to work on how you view yourself.
"Guys who are control freaks on the grill"
If a guy who knows how to cook a steak is a must for you, you're probably very in tune with your cavewoman instincts.
Watching a man grill meat is the modern day equivalent of witnessing the hunting and killing of a mammoth.
While this is a somewhat sexist fetish, I have a strong belief that political correctness has no place in the bedroom (outside of, obviously, CONSENT), so I wouldn't go so far as to call this a psychological wound.
Well, unless, of course, you find men who cry weak and off-putting.
In that case, you might want to re-examine your commitment to outdated gender roles.
"Guys who are not blonde"
If you avoid men who are blonde like the plague, you might have been taught that blonde men are either the direct descendants of a terrifying tribe of white supremacists who referred to themselves as the Aryan Brotherhood, or at least they look like they are directly related to this tribe.
And you would be SO right about that.
"Guys who are incapable of expressing love"
Ah, my favorite: the emotionally unavailable. They come in all shapes and sizes, and they remind me of my dad.
If you go for this type of partner, you probably want someone who will sit next to you in silence and ignore you until you mention you're literally starving for their love.
Then, of course, they will run away. And that's fine! Because the second you meet someone who doesn't, you'll wonder what the point is.
On some level, you believe love has to be fought for in order to be earned.
You don't think you deserve it just because you exist.
While I think part of that thinking is true, you might want to open yourself up a little more to the possibility of a healthy, loving, balanced relationship.
"Guys who are usually helpless"
Playing savior to someone who doesn't want to save themselves is not for the faint of heart. It is a time-consuming mission that takes years and often fails.
First of all, it allows you to avoid looking at your own problems by focusing on the far worse problems of someone else.
Second, it makes you more than just a girlfriend. It makes you a mother, a nurse and an angel in the eyes of everyone who bears witness to your relationship.
While being your partner's primary caretaker might make you feel like a good person, underneath your charitable actions is a need to control someone else by making them depend on you.
When you finally do realize nobody ever truly changes for someone else's benefit, you'll feel as though you wasted your time.
Sadly, that's true.
So, in the future, focus more on changing yourself and less on changing everyone else.
"Guys who are very reasonable, sincere and cautious"
If you like men who play by the rules, go by the book, don't raise their voice and consistently try to talk you off a ledge, you may feel as if you need someone else to keep you on track.
Perhaps you grew up in a house with a parent who didn't seem to pay you much positive attention until you acted out like a little rabble-rouser. So now, you carry out that dynamic in your adult relationships.
You attract partners who see you as their pathway to fun.
The problem with that is, when you really feel devastated and need their emotional support, they don't know how to be there, and you end up feeling resentful.
On the flip side, these types of partners can teach you how to directly ask for what you need with calm confidence. You won't hold everything in and then make a scene like most people.
Hopefully after reading about these types of guys, you were able to learn a little more about yourself.
If not, sorry. Like I said, I'm not a therapist, people.