Guy Asked To Keep GF's Tortoise Safe Parties Hard With It Instead (Photos)

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A couple of weeks ago, I woke up to discover the avenue outside of my apartment was closed down for 15 blocks in either direction for a street fair I had no idea existed, and after confirming the presence of corn dogs, I headed outside to investigate further.

Four hours later, I returned with my first sunburn of the summer, multiple ATM receipts and all of the equipment needed to take care of the small lizard I apparently thought was a responsible purchase after three Styrofoam cups of margaritas I'd purchased from someone I later realized wasn't a licensed vendor.

Why does any of this matter? Because in the short time I've known Dalton (named after Patrick Swayze's character in "Road House"), I've discovered reptiles party harder than I ever would have guessed.

Need more proof? Just take a look at the shenanigans this tortoise got into when its owner went on vacation.

They might walk slowly, but they know how to live life in the fast lane.

The keyboard wasn't that dirty when he started using it.

"Let's see who wins now, hare."

Citations: Girlfriend Asked Boyfriend To Watch Her Tortoise While Shes On Vacation She Didnt Expect This (Bored Panda)