Happy hour at a bar in the Financial District. A Porta-Potty on the last day of Coachella. Gary, Indiana.
There is no shortage of contenders for the title of Worst Place In The World, but those locations are essentially nirvana compared to what I consider the most terrifying place on Earth: middle school.
Say what you will about the alternatives, but I can't really think of a scarier prospect than a building full of hundreds of hormonal hand grenades primed to explode at the slightest hint of adversity.
Middle school students aren't exactly known for their emotional restraint, so I'm not being hyperbolic when I say there were a number of seemingly minor things that could happen in middle school capable of ruining your day, year or life.
Let's all remember a time when having to deal with any of these problems was the most adversity we'd ever faced.
The Binder Gods are cruel and unforgiving.
Everything is ruined. Everything.
There's a reason the two-and-a-half hole punch never caught on.
Because it's an objectively terrible idea.
Perforated paper is a fickle mistress.
There's really no way to bounce back from this.
When you don't splurge for a plastic cover, it's only a matter of time until disaster strikes.
You might as well burn the notebook and everything inside of it because it's basically useless now.
The real reason the teacher makes you turn your dope And1 shirt inside out is that he's jealous of your fashion sense.
Some people just can't appreciate the art of the sick burn.
"Has anyone seen my retainer?"
This is almost as bad as getting out of a cab and realizing you can't find your phone.
The permanent markers are the only ones with ink left.
Pictured: irony (I think).
You've reached the "Pencil Problems" section of this article, where we explore all of the reasons people use computers now.
Exhibit A: Your fingers tend to be better at typing than sharpening.
RIP, Eraser. We hardly knew ye.
You'll be fine as long as you don't make a single mistake during the lifetime of that pencil. No pressure.
"What? You said we needed to bring two No. 2 pencils for the test."
There's nothing a middle school student loves more than technicalities.
No! Bad pencil sharpener! Very bad pencil sharpener!
You can try to correct it, but your pencil is probably going to end up like the ones above once you're done.
"I heard the Spring Fling is coming up. Are you going? I am."
Hormone Patrol reporting for duty.
Puberty can strike at any time.
It's not the pleats.
I didn't have to run The Mile to get my heart pumping -- merely hearing its name was good enough.
Today I discovered I can barely outrun a 10-year-old.
It's time to play "Where Did I Put That Assignment From Two Weeks Ago?"
The answer? Probably buried under everything.
"Our mission is to teach you valuable skills you'll use for the rest of your life. Your first assignment is to cover a book with a paper bag."
You might not be able to relate to this one if you were privileged enough to buy the stretchable covers with cool patterns for $5 each.
Covering textbooks was especially pointless when the last 10 people to use yours obviously didn't bother.
This is still basically in mint condition as far as communal textbooks are concerned.