I know presidents aren’t magical wizards.
They don’t just fly around sprinkling fairy dust over the United States, creating a wave of change as they go.
They can’t snap their fingers and create jobs.
They don’t stand on a pedestal, raise their arms, shout their plans into a microphone and suddenly, the world shifts gears as if we’re in some "Matrix"-like alternate reality, where the economy is in the best shape we've ever seen.
This isn’t Hogwarts. The president isn’t a superhero.
No one has that much power.
I understand it takes a lot of time for change to occur.
Also, not every president or presidential candidate is perfect.
Some of his or her standpoints may be right on target with your views on certain issues, while you could disagree with others.
The candidates may have some really great qualities, or they may be racist, sexist and have horrible hair.
It’s hard to find someone who aligns perfectly with everything you believe in, and it's even harder to find someone all of America can agree on.
But maybe — just maybe — there are some things we can all see eye to eye on.
1. Bye-Bye, Bloodsuckers
The first thing the ideal president should consider is the elimination of all mosquitos. This is something I feel very strongly about.
Seriously, what purpose do they serve? What good do mosquitos bring to the world?
They have been torturing us for centuries. The little devils attack us, suck our blood and then leave us with an unrelenting, itchy lesion.
It’s time for the next president to stand up and get rid of them once and for all.
2. No Cell Service, No Problem
WiFi is already provided in many places, such as restaurants, cafés and coffee shops.
But what happens if you get stranded in the middle of nowhere? Those 4G and LTE networks can only do so much, and data is expensive.
What about when you’re in the center of the woods? In the middle of the ocean? Flying above the clouds?
The next president should make WiFi like the air we breathe. We won’t even notice it, but it’ll always be there.
3. Naps, No Matter The Age
I didn’t need nap time in kindergarten, when I was already getting over 10 hours of sleep per night.
I need it now.
Breaks for lunch are good and all, but in addition to that, all places of work should be required to allow a time for us to close our eyes and relax.
Just think of how productive we’d all be.
4. New Reasons To Party
It’s been a while since a new holiday has been introduced to the mix.
I mean, come on. National Burrito Day should warrant a day off from work or school.
What’s the holdup?
5. No More Groaning On Mondays
Weekends are great, but we all know they’re way too short.
You blink on a Friday, and suddenly, you’re back at your desk on a Monday.
I’m pretty sure it’s a universal consensus nobody likes Mondays. So why should we have to deal with the agony they cause?
Let’s all take a stand for extended weekends.
6. Traffic, The Bane Of Everyone’s Existence
I get stuck in traffic five days a week along with a billion other people, and it seriously depletes my happiness level.
The solution I’ve come up with to avoid this? Less cars on the road.
Let's have more people in the air.
If you have an hour commute or more to work, school or wherever you need to be, flying should be the first choice.
It should also be free.
No more banging your head against the steering wheel or angrily flipping people off. Everyone wins.
7. Away For A Week Or Two
There are 365 days in a year. That amounts to 8,760 hours.
The average American works about 2,080 of those hours.
If you’re getting the suggested eight hours of sleep per night, you have even less time to spare.
Basically, we don’t have enough free time.
Therefore, vacation time at work should be unlimited.
Obviously, work still needs to get done, but because of our extended weekends and nap time, we'll be so much more productive on the days we’re actually in the office.
8. No More Useless Homework
Sometimes, when I think back to high school and college, I wonder just how many hours I spent doing homework that didn’t even help me to learn or understand the material.
It was just stuff to keep me busy.
Sure, tests and essays can be somewhat helpful, and the homework I received definitely instilled some self-discipline in me that I couldn't have learned elsewhere.
But, a line needs to be drawn. Unnecessary homework assignments should be banned.
Of course, let’s not minimize the real issues at hand here.
The next president should also focus his or her attention on addressing important matters like foreign policy, healthcare, the national minimum wage, climate change, tuition costs and so on.
But just think about the joy a mosquito-less world would bring, or how convenient it would be to get WiFi in the middle of the desert.
Wouldn’t that be great?