I wonder what all this “Hotline Bling” hype is about.
Oh. My. God. How does Drake even move like that? He looks like a guy at a party who you assume will only be dancing sarcastically, but who eventually grabs the attention of the entire Elks Lodge with his flair and commitment to keepin' it fresh.
If I can nail this routine, I'll be the star of every autumn wedding this year, even Laura's.
EVER SINCE I LEFT THE CITY — It's hot in here. Adios, shirt! — GIRL, YOU GOT ME DOWN, YOU GOT ME STRESSED OUT.
*Turns sensually to the mirror*
Unf, unf, unf. Yeah, Brandon, get it. Show Laura what she's miss — WHAT THE HELL, MIKE? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!
THIS IS SUCH AN INVASION OF PRIVACY, DUDE.
NO, I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT LAURA... I WAS NOT.
I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MISS HER, LIAR.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN “WHEN AM I GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER AND LEAVE THE BASEMENT?”
DEPRESSED? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT? I'M GREAT. I'M BEYOND HAPPY.
PUT MY PILLOW DOWN, MIKE, THOSE AREN'T TEAR STAINS THEY'RE… SEX… STAINS. FROM SEX!
UGH! GET OUT OF MY LAURA! I MEAN, GET LAURA MY ROOM! UGHHH!! LAURA, MY LAURA!!!