In olden times, the crusade against drugs was in full-force with anti-drug PSAs that were as serious then as they are hilarious now.
These days, we have brain scans, before and after pics and perfectly executed documentaries about drug addiction to ward us off the hard stuff. Back then, however, they had to rely on sh*tty arguments from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Take a trip back in time and be glad the government and our culture as a whole is finally coming around to giving up on the drug war altogether.
"Nothing will happen to you"
I love the part at the end when the mom screams from the other room, "Did you look for a job today?!" No, Ma, I'm too busy smokin' this friggin' pot.
Yooooo, weed makes you paranoid! It's not these creepy white guys in lab coats luring you toward an electric chair that's making you paranoid, it's the weed. Definitely the weed.
"Drugs are for dorks"
Yeah, OK, listen to the most stoned cartoon characters of all time when they tell you not to smoke pot. How the hell do you think Michelangelo ate all that pizza, kids? Riddle me that.
"Don't smoke drugs... while working with wood"
This is probably the most practical one of all. You really shouldn't do your woodworking while stoned out of your mind. Then again, 10-year-old kids probably shouldn't be working with table saws either.
"You'll go to hell before you die"
Thanks for that, Captain Lou Albano.
"The shunted and unloved are candidates for the slave world of lifelong drug addiction"
I have a feeling Don Draper wrote this one while smoking a doob and downing Old Fashioneds.
What's the deal with '80s ads and stoned, creepy doctors?
Smoking pot will instantly give you a bowl cut with a middle part. That's how it makes you look like a loser, right?
"Rock Against Drugs"
You know what's really RAD? Wearing a sport coat with mom jeans. I'm not even kidding, we need to bring that look back ASAP.
"And now I'm GAY"
This poster is just too good to pass up. I mean, talk about being blatantly misinformed and offensive. The design also looks like a Judy Blume book cover for a story about a boy named Kevin who "lost his way."
If smoking pot means you're gay, who the f*ck wants to be straight?
If there's anything to be learned from these old anti-drug PSAs, it's that advertising was one wonky, hit-or-miss industry. These days, we can at least count on puppymonkeybabies to keep us entertained while we continue to do whatever the f*ck we want anyway.
Nice try, vintage PSAs, nice try.