Pizza Boy Thinks Girl Is Texting Him For Sex But She Just Wants Pizza
In ancient times, flirting with another person usually required some sort of verbal communication and, if you were feeling ambitious, a little bit of eye contact. We've come a long way since then.
If you've tried to have sex with someone in the past decade, you know that texting has revolutionized the art of seduction -- if you're allowed to call using an eggplant emoji as a sexual innuendo "art" (something I'm very, very hesitant to do).
It might make flirting easier in certain ways, but it can also make things a lot more difficult than they need to be -- especially when you assume everything the other person says is actually an innuendo.
Say, for example, someone asks you to bring a pizza to their house. Most people would view this as a pretty innocuous request, but those people aren't the r/TIFU poster who's watched way too many porn videos involving pizza delivery guys.
As is the case with every TIFU post, apologies in advance for the terrible writing and the total lack of evidence:
So this happened just today. I work at a Dominos pizza, and right across the street is this Dairy queen, and I've been trading pizza for dairy queen stuff with this really cute black haired girl for a bit.
I built up the courage and asked for her number and we've been texting and talking to each other for about a week. today she asked if I could bring her pizza to her new place, so I jumped to the conclusion that, that was her saying "hey come over."
Later after I clocked out, bought a pizza, and got one of my delivery drivers to drive me to her place (I don't drive and her place was on his way).
She took the pizza saying "thanks" I stood there thinking she was going to let me in, we talked a bit and I immediately knew she wasn't down.
She asked "how did you get here?" I said "one of my drivers drove me" she said "oh did he leave?" "Yea..." "oh really! oops, can you call him back?" So I called my driver back after he was done delivery and went into the front foyer of the house and waited, and seen this dude up stairs.
I knew what was up and I just waited like 1 minute and left when my driver got outside. he said "what happened?" "I guess she wanted the P instead of the D."
I got a ride home afterwards.
I thought the proper reaction to a situation like this was listening to a Jack's Mannequin album on repeat while crying in your car, but I guess nowadays the move is to go online and tell the Internet how bad you are at reading signals.
Times have changed.