How 'Homeland' Became The Most Unwatchable Show On TV

For those of us who have been riding the emotional train of whether or not Showtime's "Homeland" is a good show anymore...I'm pretty sure last night's episode confirmed it for most of us. No, it certainly is not.

I've bashed the show's decisions before in the "16 Questions We Have About Season 3 Of ‘Homeland’," but last night proved things are only getting worse. How such a fantastic show could have such a traumatic fall from grace so early in the show's run is something I have trouble fathoming. It's not like it's the last 4 seasons of "Dexter" or anything (insert Showtime is dropping the ball comments).

Remember the first season of "Homeland"? Remember how excited you used to get every week? You didn't know at first whether Brody was good or bad, or what was ever going to happen next. You watched every episode on the edge of your seat (or bed), admiring the great acting and intriguing plot lines, yelling at the TV for more every time it faded to black.

Flash forward two years later, and I think I may have set a personal record for falling asleep five times during last night's horrendous episode. The only good thing about last night's episode was that Brody's bitchy little daughter wasn't in it! But we'll get to her in a little.

The show that won the Emmy for Best Drama in its first season, has gotten to a point where it's not only not award winning caliber, but frankly, it's not even good. What happened to all the action-packed episodes? Why aren't we killing more terrorists? Why the hell is the Brody family still alive!?

It all started going down hill the moment Brody decided not to kill himself in the season 1 finale. Had he done so, that season may have gone down as one of the greatest first seasons of any drama on TV, ever. Instead, he chickened out, plaguing us with 15 cringe-worthy episodes that make us wish we could have gone down to the bunker, and pushed the button for him ourselves. Last night's episode ended with shots of Carrie and Brody both alone and miserable, the only shot missing was the viewers' misery too.

The Brady bunch was the most beloved family on television -- the Brody bunch, not so much. Raise your hand if you give the slightest sh*t about the Brody family anymore (look around you, no hands are raised!) We’ve seen everything we needed out of Nicholas (or as Abu Nazir said Nee-Co-Las), from torture scenes, to love scenes to, to prayer scenes: the only thing left is for him to finally kill himself.

Dana Brody has become one of the most hated characters ever on television. We don’t care about her love life, or her failed attempt at suicide (can’t any Brody have the balls to actually kill themselves?), or her stupid boyfriends. She really needs to send me those topless photos she took in the first episode this season, and then get back in that bathtub and try again!

We’ve already seen Jessica Brody naked, so otherwise, she’s useless. I’m glad the worst actor on TV, Uncle Mike (Shane Oman from "Mean Girls") has managed to disappear, but when will the worst child actor ever, Chris Brody, finally meet his demise as well? In the history of TV, a more useless character has never existed than Chris Brody. The kid even wore a T-shirt in the pool during season 2. What a loser! 

Carrie's whole mental hospital dilemma has turned the show from a thriller to "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," except instead of Jack Nicholson's hilarity we're stuck Claire Danes's chin. Even the most beloved character on TV, our favorite wannabe rabbi, Saul Berenson is no longer loveable. Oy vey! It's safe to say, Peter Quinn continues to be the only compelling character on the show.

So, what now? What do we do as fans of the show? Do we keep watching? Do we keep bitching? Do we get a Netflix account and start watching "Orange Is The New Black"? I unfortunately don't have the answer for everybody. Because I'm not a quitter, I'm going to see it through til to the end of the season (or at least try my hardest!).

It's far from "must watch" TV, therefore I probably won't watch it live, or even on a weekly basis. But I will give the writers these 9 more episodes to try and right this Titanic of a sinking ship. Iceberg up ahead!

"Homeland" was once a show based on protecting the American people, so it's on the writers now; protect us from this crap! If not, at least bring back Abu Nazir for more Skype sessions, maybe he could be our therapy counselor?

For more 'Homeland' humor, check out: 'Battle Of The Crazies: Carrie Mathison Vs. Miley Cyrus'