Everyone's Been There: The 10 Weed Dealers Every Stoner's Had To Deal With

by Julian Sonny

Not until you begin smoking the herb do you understand the many types of dealers that are out there. It comes with the territory that finding a good dealer is like finding a nice wife. There are a lot of crazies out there and finding one you actually enjoy picking up from can be a life-long search.

One thing that differentiates stoners from everyone else is that they are very social beings, even if their habit makes them a bit introverted. Stoners have to habitually deal with strangers, making small talk with everyone from kids in beanies, to the creepy old guy who sells out of his ex wife’s garage.

Stoners aren’t awkward, but I will say that picking up from your dealer isn’t always the most comfortable experience. Many times you have to put up with an unnecessary amount of small talk until he or she gives you what you came for. So for all of you who still have yet to find a good dealer, here’s a list of the 10 dealers every stoner has had to deal with:

The Guy Who Deals Because He's Too Rich Not To

This dude has no business even selling weed. He just had so much one day, he decided to start charging his friends. Sure he has the best weed, but no one's trying to give money to a guy who doesn't need it.

The "All I Have Left Is Shake" Guy

Is this even weed? There's absolutely no nuggage in this bag, just straight dust! Sure it'll still get you high, but everyone's trying to smoke that sticky icky. Not paprika or oregano.

The Guy Who's Perpetually "On The Way"

This guy. He said he was five minutes away like 40 minutes ago! When he finally shows up, he's stoned out of his mind and trying to act like you haven't been waiting out in the cold forever. Scumbag.

Your Homie

Come on, son. I know you're trying to get your hustle on, but what's up with the deals?! You're smoking it with me anyway! This pretty much turns into one of those situations in which you got the box of chocolates to sell at school and you ended up just selling it to each other. No one gets money, but everyone wins!

The Chick

Is she hot? Is she cool? I don't know, but everyone's trying to bang her. Sure, she doesn't have the best deals, but as long as she smells better and is less sketchy than the other guys, you'll keep coming back.

The Guy Who Wants To Be Your Friend

Selling weed can get lonely at times. But when your dealer is asking for more than just smoking a quick joint before you leave, then that's a red flag. We all saw what happened to Seth Rogen when he decided to hang out with James Franco in"Pineapple Express." Sure, it was an awesome movie, but he almost died!

The Guy Who Never Has Baggies

What is this guy's deal? Sure he delivers on the goods, but why can't he just get his sh*t together and find a baggie to serve you with? We've seen it all in our days, from video game cases, to candy wrappers, nothing's worse than opening up your weed to see it spilled everywhere.

The Guy Who Doesn't Even Smoke

This man is strictly about his business. Clearly, he won't ever mess up his own business by getting high on his own supply, and typically, he's a lot more organized and punctual. Mostly because he's not baked out of his mind all day.

The Guy Who Always Has 'The Best Deal'

There's always everyone's go-to guy when it comes to copping. If you haven't established that by now, then chances are you aren't really about this weed life. A good stoner is a smart stoner, so make sure you're getting those deals and talking down your guy.

The Guy Who's Trying To Bang You (For Girls)

Let's face it. If you're a girl who's trying to smoke weed, chances are your dealer is trying to bang you. Those discounted prices aren't coming because he's just so overstocked with bud. He's trying to high you up, get you feeling wavy and smang that.