'The Daily Show' Coverage Of 'House Of Cards' Would Have Been Gold

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It doesn't matter if you're one of those people who gets most of their news from "The Daily Show," or one of those people who hates those people; it's impossible to deny the impact the show has had on media and politics over the past couple of decades.

Ever since Jon Stewart transformed the program from a parody of local news to borderline-actual-news, people who don't like hearing communications majors parroting press releases have been tuning in to get their fix of all the news fit to make fun of.

A lot of those people have also had to deal with the crippling effects of binge-watching, thanks to "House Of Cards," Netflix's political thriller rivaling "Game Of Thrones," when it comes to shows white people love to talk about watching.

You'll have to wait for this weekend to see how many people Frank Underwood is going to kill to protect his presidency, but I figured I'd take the time to imagine what it would look like if "The Daily Show" had covered the events of the show's previous two seasons.

It's fake news covering fake news, which, according to my comedy textbook, is an absolute goldmine for laughs.

The Leaking Of The Education Bill

"President Garrett Walker is already doing damage control, after a copy of his proposed education bill was leaked to the press just one day after his inauguration.

Someone wanted to make sure he'd be able to take part in the proud tradition of getting f*cked on your honeymoon."

The Michael Kern Essay

"Reports surfaced earlier this week Secretary of State nominee Michael Kern may have penned an anti-Israel editorial while he was editor-in-chief of The Williams College Register in the 1970s.

"Kern attempted to distance himself from the radical viewpoints shared in the piece, which would be much more believable if he hadn't been the editor-in-chief of the student newspaper at an isolated liberal arts college in the 1970s."

The "See You Next Tuesday" Incident

"Tom Hammerschmidt, the former chief editor of The Washington Herald, was forced to resign earlier this week after reporter Zoe Barnes revealed he had called her a 'c*nt' in a heated exchange.

"Hammerschmidt tried to frame the incident as a misunderstanding, and he might have a point. After all, what's the point in running a newsroom like it's still 1957 if your employees don't have to deal with a steady stream of institutional misogyny?"

The Debate With The Head Of The Teacher's Union

"Representative Frank Underwood has unintentionally become the center of attention after a video of an ill-fated debate with teacher's union leader Marty Spinella hit the web yesterday.

"During the exchange, Underwood uttered an awkward, 'LOL,' before telling Spinella he had been 'schooled.' He then donned a backwards visor and rolled out of the studio on a Razor scooter so everyone could see how hip he is."

Peter Russo's Drunken Radio Interview

"This morning, an allegedly-intoxicated Peter Russo uttered the phrase, 'I'm talking about f*cking natural gas,' during a live radio interview.

"Russo has since come under attack from a number of Republicans who are presumably angry at how he used their party's slogan."

Vice President Matthews Resigns

"In an unexpected move, Vice President Jim Matthews announced he plans to leave office and hit the campaign trail in an attempt to reclaim his former seat as governor of Pennsylvania (and, in the process, make the coolest 'I'm Coming Home' video the world has ever seen).

"Some Democrats in the state are hesitant to support Matthews' bid, likely because they're worried if he wins he'll end up resigning and running for class treasurer at his old high school."

The President's Marriage Counseling

"President Walker and his wife, Patricia, are being forced to defend their decision to undergo marriage counseling after apparently offending the kind of people who can't stomach the idea that two parties might be able to amicably settle their differences by talking about them."

Frank Underwood's Typewritten Letter

"Sources close to former president Garrett Walker received a typewritten letter of support from then-Vice President Frank Underwood while embroiled in the scandal that ultimately cut his term short.

"I'd like to welcome our new president to the year 1926 and suggest he keep a close eye on the stock market and an up-and-coming German politician with a penchant for painting."

The Raymond Tusk Super PAC Scandal

"In a shocking turn of events, investor Raymond Tusk admitted he was part of an elaborate plot in which Chinese money was laundered and funneled into super PACs to influence the result of elections in the US.

"Multiple Democrats have attacked Tusk for his blatant abuse of the electoral system, while several Republicans have gone after him over his decision to outsource the scandal to Asia."