Couples Reveal The Bizarre Things They Do When No One Else Is Around

A few summers ago, I lived in China with my best friend and her boyfriend in a big apartment with amazing acoustics.

I went to bed early one night and heard them in the living room shrieking. I lay there and listened as they went back and forth, exchanging short screams like tropical birds.

The next morning, I asked my best friend what the screaming was about, and she answered,

Oh, we do that every night.

Couple weirdness is likely as important to the success of a relationship as sex -- or communication and a shared Hulu account.

Redditor delouchrey919 recently delved a little deeper into this dark, creepy cavern of twosome oddity and asked fellow Reddit users,

What’s the strangest thing you do with your significant other that you wouldn’t tell your friends?

The answers were a hilarious mix of odd things every couple does in private and completely bizarre behaviors.

Spoiler alert: Most of the replies were about butts.

AbandonChip:

Well, in the shower we like to rub our soapy butts together.

VolleyVinyl:

Sometimes, when we hug, we lift our shirts up so that our stomachs are touching…A lot of the time we do it as soon as someone leaves the room. One of us will say 'tummies!' And we'll quickly lift and embrace.

DrDingudForrester:

I'm gay and me and my boyfriend pretend we're lesbians sometimes [we're] both named Deb.

Scannalach:

Sometimes we hold hands while pooping. One of us sits on the tub, the other on the toilet. That's pretty weird. Edit: I need to clarify that we do not poop in our tub. We alternate. Clarity is important, guys.

OId_Gregg:

We put on oversized sweatpants, pull them up to our shoulders, and proceed to chase each other around the house.

RedditsInBed:

We play Butt Slap Tag. Game is in play all day and lower loser is the last one to be it when we go to bed. So you can imagine what getting ready for bed is like in my house. Lot of ninja butt slapping.

Aznman375:

Sometimes when she's feeling down, I take her foot and put it up to my head and pretend I'm talking on the (foot) phone. I'll have these long, drawn out conversations, and sometimes I'll get a call on the other line (foot).

See, couples? Everybody does it.