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This Bagel Rap Takes Our Love For Bagels To The Next Level

By
Jer Bear on YouTube

Let's just admit it, we're all basic AF when it comes to our passionate obsession with bagels.

If someone brings a bag of bagels into your office, chances are you'll giggle, say, "I guess I'll just have one," and then take them all back to your desk over the course of the day until you're statistically 50 percent cream cheese by volume.

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Well, one rapper by the name of Jer Bear literally has a love affair with bagels in his music video for the appropriately titled masterpiece "Bagels."

No, I'm dead serious. He straight-up fucks some bagels.

It starts out as an innocent romance with a sesame seed bagel. Literally, this is all of us.

I don't know about you, but I would date a sesame seed bagel if I could.

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I just want someone to look at me the way this bagel looks at Jer Bear, to be honest.

WHAT SWEET NOTHINGS ARE YOU WHISPERING IN HIS EAR, BAGEL? TELL US.

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It must be pretty sexy.

Eventually, his love of bagels gets pretty physical as he moves into the boudoir.

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Honestly, this might be a fetish for some people out there in this crazy place we call the internet, so... you're welcome?

Of course, you can never just have one bagel. Pretty soon, Jer Bear is having a creamy bagel orgy, and who among us can blame him?

MO' BAGELS... UH, MO' CONDOMS?

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I don't know where one bagel ends and his body begins.

Amid his many bagel lovers, in a scene that looks straight out of "Caligula" or "Eyes Wide Shut," Jer Bear delivers us this mantra that we'll be screaming in line at every deli.

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Let me put it this way: If I'm bagel and lox-ing, don't come a-knocking.

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Overall, not only does this music video feature some hilarious lines, it truly solidifies bagel's status as our ride-or-die.

You're our boo forever, bagel.