A Freshman's Guide To Smoking In The Dorms
College can be a difficult transition. It's that awkward middle place where you're free, but really not. Your parents may not be there with you, but plenty of other people are. And unfortunately for you, colleges are pretty strict about smoking the ganga, even those liberal colleges.
While you may have mastered the technique of smoking at home and are confident in your abilities, this is a whole new ball game. So when that inevitable time comes to light up, you best be prepared. And even though we know that you don't give a f*ck what the man says, when you're kicked out of school and battling drug possession charges, it won't be so chill. So follow this expert's guide to smoking in your dorm room, cause we know what we're talking about.
Find Other Kids Who Smoke
Weed is a great way to make friends. What could be better bonding than sharing a spliff? No one wants to smoke alone. Making the right friends in your building is crucial. They will probably end up being your friends for the next four years so scan wisely.
Feel Out Your RA
Nine times out of ten, your RA will be some lame ass who reminds you a lot of one of those kids from '7th Heaven.' He or she won't know what 'Dexter' is or think that 'Breaking Bad' is awesome. Basically, RAs are the kids who decided not to live with their friends and instead, are stuck in a dorm with rowdy freshmen. Thus, they don't smoke and won't be cool with it.
Don't Hot Box Your Room
This option is out. Don't even think about it. You are blowing smoke out the window, or not at all.
Piece Beats Paper. Vape Beats All.
If you are going to invest in anything actually useful during college, invest in a vape. The smoke is cleaner, your high is cleaner and you'll be the coolest kid on campus.
You don't want give your RA any reason to dislike you. Try to cozy up to him or her as much as possible so you are furthest from their radar of people to screw over.
Don't Attract Attention To Yourself
Keep a low profile. Don't let your RA automatically peg you for the stoner kid. Then, you're screwed before you even begin. At least for the first month, don't break out too many Grateful Dead shirts.
Keep It Down
Just like drinking in your dorm room (which we will cover in the next lesson) you gotta be quiet. You don't want to attract any attention to your room, especially when dealing with your RA's already heightened sense of smell.
Limit The Group
You can't have people going in and out - it looks sketchy. So don't let your possy get too big because it's only a matter of time before one of the high idiots f*cks up and screws everyone over.
Don't Go Too Crazy
Remember, you're still in college for a reason...
What It Will Feel Like When There's A Knock On The Door
Most of the time, it's probably just your friend coming back from the bathroom. But no matter what, you're going to be living in paranoid city for the next year, at least.
What It Feels Like When An Actual RA Is Knocking On Your Door
This is exactly how it will feel when you are caught red-handed, bong in hand. There are few things you can do from here. The worst has just happened, and you will have to deal with it.
What To Do If You Get Caught
Deny, deny, deny. Always.
Go To The Bottle
At this point, alcohol is the only thing that's only going to help. So find some friends and drown your sorrows.