You know, I never understood people who don’t enjoy eating. It really just blows my mind.
Have you ever seen those Snickers commercials? Sometimes I think they truly portray my life. You better believe I flip out when I'm hungry. No shame in my game.
I swear, I could be the happiest person in the world (at the moment). I could’ve just gotten a raise; I could have just won the lotto, but if my stomach is growling, you better believe eating is the only thing I'm thinking about.
Here’s the thing: Your stomach has a mind of its own.
When you find yourself eating, even though you just ate 32 minutes ago, it's your stomach telling you to f*cking keep eating because it’s bored.
All I could say now is thank the lord for the creator of the snack. If it weren’t for snacking, I would probably have ripped my hair out by now.
From commuting to working to going out, here are 10 times you really need a snack because life is just freakin' hard, and being hungry all the time isn’t my fault, it’s my stomach's.
1. When you’re in a work meeting
Dear God, look upon me during this meeting. I swear I just ate 10 seconds ago, but all of a sudden, I am still hungry and it’s probably because this conference call is putting me to sleep.
I just need something to keep me awake.
2. When you’re in the car
There’s nothing worse than being hungry while sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
When will someone invent an app that delivers food to you while sitting in your car, waiting for everyone else to learn how to stop pressing the brakes?
People would be less pissed if they had a snack with them while driving.
3. When you’re sitting at your desk and don’t want to do anything
Okay, I’ll check my emails, but I don’t feel like doing a spreadsheet right now. There’s nothing like a snack to pass the time.
Everyone at work should know not to talk to anyone who is eating. It’s your relaxing time; it’s your time to breathe and recharge.
4. When you are at the grocery store
Instead of grocery stores hiring “greeters,” they should hire “snackers.” I don’t need someone saying, “welcome,” as soon as I step in to the store.
Welcome to what? Welcome to spending all of my money and being broke? No.
I need someone who will just hand me a snack so I don’t buy every single thing in the grocery store.
The dumbest thing you could do to your bank account is go to the grocery store hungry. Yes, I continue to do it all the time.
5. When time is moving too slow
Work is over at 5 pm, but it’s only 10 am? My date is at 7 pm, but it’s only 1 pm? Why do I have to wait so long to have fun?
A snack would really make me feel better right now, as well as hold me over.
6. When you are out at the bar
Drunk + hungry = bad combo.
The more you drink, the hungrier you get. I think? I wouldn’t be so hungover the next morning if I was munching while drinking. A snack at the bar will hold me over until I drunkenly go home and make a pizza in the oven.
Instead, I have to order wings, eat all 30 of them, then complain about how full I am. No more room for alcohol at this point. Game over for the night.
7. When you are making a tough decision
Listen, boss. I don’t know in which direction we should head when it comes to making an important decision.
Why? Because all I can think about is how I need to fill that void in my stomach.
A bag of chips would help. BRB. Going to the vending machine.
8. When your boyfriend is asking you where you want to go for dinner
Me: “I don’t know babe. I said I wanted to get sushi this morning, but clearly you weren’t listening so I guess we will get Taco Bell.
"I also can’t make any decisions while my stomach is growling, considering I have been hungry since I woke up and we were supposed to be eating by now, but you had to shower two hours later than we had planned and I really need something in my stomach before I break up with you.
"But once we eat, I promise, I will love you again.”
If I had a snack, choosing where to eat would be so simple. But life isn’t simple, is it?
9. When your parents yell at you about your credit card statements, or anything else
This one is funny because all we really spend money on is food and alcohol. Sorry I can’t cook like you, Mom and Dad.
Do you want me to starve myself and not eat? No? Okay, don’t complain about me spending too much money.
10. Most importantly, every time you reach into your purse
The best thing that happened to me this week was when I reached into my purse and found a piece of chocolate. Is that messed up?
I swear, my smile was from ear to ear. It looked like I had just gotten engaged. Now, imagine if every time you reached into your purse you found a little snack surprise. Life would be perfect.
Just remember, it’s not your fault you are always hangry. One in two people have that same problem, so don’t feel bad.
In order to prevent the anger of being hungry, be prepared. Buy snacks and hide them. Put some in your car, in your desk drawer, under your pillow and, most importantly, in your purse.