LUST VODKA WILL 100 PERCENT GET YOU LAID AND STUFF!
The Florida-based vodka company claims it's more than a vodka; it's a magical sex-making aphrodisiac! I'm sold!
According to the press release, the vodka is "made out of water from natural aquifers located in Central Florida."
Anyone who's anyone knows only the sexiest waters come from Central Florida, and Lust Vodka is chock-full of it.
This isn't your grandparents' unsexy North Dakota water-based vodka. We're talking Florida sex water here, people.
The press release goes on to explain a little more on the science behind how drinking Lust Vodka leads to getting all the ladies in all the moods. It says,
It all starts with the power of suggestion. Simply due to its name, and human nature's insatiable dependency on the power of suggestion, having a bottle of [Lust Vodka] on your table naturally increases one's sexual desire, adding emotional elements of anticipation and seduction to the mix.
Are you done reading? Sorry, I was getting my body ready for sex. Guaranteed sex.
Still don't believe Lust Vodka will lead to sex and stuff?
Well, buckle up, Einstein!
Here is an ACTUAL math equation from the press release scientists or marketing executives explaining how Lust Vodka will get you on the fast track to BoomShakaLaka Town, USA:
Power of Suggestion + Increased Sexual Desire + Alcohol = [Lust Vodka]
Oh boy! You smell that? That's the smell of your pants flying off!
I'm never drinking anything besides Lust Vodka ever again. When's the last time Snapple got me laid?