That's The Weed Talking: 10 Signs Your Friend Is Texting You While High

by The Kind

Before texting, you really didn't hear that much from your stoner friends when they were high.

Their nerves were either too jumpy or too chilled to make a phone call; so they just kept to themselves.

Then came smartphones and the ability for high friends to give us all the misspelled play-by-play of everything they're doing and thinking.

And when those texts come in, a window opens for us to respond with the detailed play-by-play of every high thing we are doing, from the inane to the profane, in text after text.

The only possible problem here is that your friend is not really high when your friend texts. And your response looks like it came from a spiraling stoner who is not smart enough for a smart phone.

So how can you be sure if your friend is indeed high texting you? Here are some signs to look for the next time your phone starts beeping.

Bizarre reminiscing

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It's not that weird to text your friend about a fond memory, but high friends will do it for no real reason with no real point to their reference.

Lots of pointless videos

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If they happen to remember Snapchat while they're high, you'd better get ready to take full advantage of that unlimited data plan. You're going to be getting a lot of videos.

Best of all, it'll usually be them saying two or three words and then laughing at themselves hysterically the rest of the time.

Random pop culture examinations

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Not only will they bring up some random bit of pop culture you haven't thought about in years, they'll also dissect it in a way that feels like they're writing a thesis paper on it. These are absolutely the most entertaining ones.

Lots of typos

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It's like their brain and fingers are two completely separate entities that don't really see eye to eye with each other.

You could try and figure out what they're trying to say, but odds are it doesn't make much more sense with spellcheck enabled.

The conspiracy freak comes out

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God forbid they start digging into the Internet and uncover a light-hearted conspiracy someone posted on Reddit. Buckle up.

You're going to be trying to console someone who won't listen to a single word you say.

Claims of not being high

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If someone keeps making a point of trying to convince you that they're not that high, then you'd better believe they are the highest they've ever been.

That means that they suspect you can tell how high you are without even seeing you or communicating with you. That's next level high.

The celebration of friendship

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No one is more excited about friendship than your very high friend via text messages.

Not only is he excited about it; he's also excited to tell you about it in as many words as humanly possible.

Seriously, there probably won't be a lot of punctuation in that paragraph of text.

Getting oddly defensive

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If you have a friend that gets paranoid when they're high, you might want to pretend you didn't get their texts until the next day.

But the only problem with that is they'll assume you aren't reading them because you're mad and oh great now they're crying again.

Being baffled by technology

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“Have you ever really thought about how amazing your phone is? Like, you can touch it and talk to anyone in the world, find out literally any piece of information, have someone bring you food, or get a car to come pick you up! We're like wizards or the Jetsons! Or both!”

The VERY late response

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You have to sleep it off at some point, right? Why not use the next 18 hours to do it?

This post was originally written by Rob Fee for The Kind.

Citations: How To Tell When Your Friend Is Texting You High (The Kind)