As soon as Halloween is over, I pump up those Christmas carols, I break out my tree, and I straight-up go balls to the walls crazy with decking the halls.
As of Tuesday, there are 47 days until Christmas. Not to brag, but I'm a good girl, and Santa is going to bring me so many things.
And, since I don't want coal, I won't be using coal-colored eyeliner during these happy holiday times.
Obviously, this is a look that Mrs. Claus needs to cop. You always have to keep your significant other interested.
And if you're into it, and it's consensual and not weird, he'll probably end up calling you his little "Ho, ho, ho."
Dang, girl. If I saw you with this, instead of putting up our stockings, I'd be taking yours down!
Was that crass? That felt really crass.
I think now is an important time to remind ourselves that Christmas is a time to celebrate some people's Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
A candy cane was originally a "J" for "Jesus." We've all just been holding it wrong this whole time.
Personally, I eat it in such a way that it becomes a makeshift shiv.
What's that, grandma? You bought me some socks instead of the new Nintendo? It looks like we got ourselves a problem.
I digress... We were talking about beautiful, festive Christmas makeup to slap onto our eyeballs.
Our eyeballs will hopefully be full of wonder come Christmas morning, at freshly fallen snow, with half-eaten cookies and presents by the fire.
OK. So, I'm just going to come out and say it. I can hardly make my normal eyeliner worthy of showing off in public.
How am I supposed to celebrate the holidays and not bring shame upon my family after they see my wonky candy cane attempt?