The Horrifying Experience Of Accidentally Eating Shrooms Instead Of Weed
Let me start this by saying, I love edibles.
In fact, I love edibles so much, it's the only way I really like to get stoned anymore. Whether it be homemade cookies, Sour Patch Kids from Colorado, or just straight canna-butter, I love to eat my weed.
Like all good love stories, however, my relationship with edibles started off a little rocky.
By that, I mean the first time I ever experienced edibles, I had what can only be described as a surprisingly intense and slightly horrifying experience.
Oh, and as it turns out, I wasn't actually eating weed.
For any of you who have actually eaten both weed and shrooms before, you know the difference between the two. For those of you who haven't, it's like going to a Mumford and Sons concert, but when you get there, it's really Insane Clown Posse on stage and you forgot to wear your face paint.
Also, for those of you saying, “How could she possibly confuse the two?” please take note: I was young, they were covered in chocolate, and, well, maybe I'm just too trusting of strangers with psychedelic candy (or any candy for that matter).
Before this experience, I had smoked plenty of weed in my life, and I figured edibles were no big deal. In fact, the few friends who had eaten them told me how fun they were.
Now, this was before legalization was running rampant across the country, so finding pre-made edibles was difficult, and no one my age knew how to make them. What I'm trying to say is, edibles were like unicorns back in the day.
Appreciate what you have, guys.
Anyway, I found a guy who knew a guy, and one random Tuesday afternoon, I got some delicious-looking chocolates ready to be consumed. I knew I needed to be cautious with these, so I started slow with took one bite.
Then, I went for what I can only describe as the worst nature walk of my life.
Everything was gravy for about 45 minutes. In fact, I thought I would have to turn around and eat more because I wasn't feeling anything. Then I realized I had been standing and staring at a lake for roughly 10 minutes, pondering why I didn't feel anything.
Was I even high? Were these even real edibles?
I got my answer a moment later when things began to go left. Have you ever seen "Lord Of The Rings?" Even if you haven't, you probably know those big, talking trees that carry the hobbits to safety.
I met those trees, but they weren't nearly as welcoming. All of a sudden, the forest came alive, which you can imagine is absolutely terrifying for someone who thought she just ate a little bit of weed.
In an explosion of equal parts beautiful color and paralyzing terror, I firmly believed I was either dying or going insane.
I parked myself on a bench from which I couldn't physically pry my shaking body, even if I wanted to.
Neighbors I knew passed by (I walked this way a lot), and to this day, I don't know if they were actually looking at me with horrified reproof, or if it was the mushrooms that made me believe they were.
I managed to peel myself off of that bench and finally made it back to my home, where I opened my windows and chilled out a bit. It was spring down south, so the warm breeze and setting sun convinced me I was on a beach, which I remember liking very much.
I woke up the next morning face down on my bed, in my clothes, very confused. Sadly, I didn't enjoy edibles OR mushrooms for about eight years because of this ridiculous experience.
And, like I said, they are the key to my heart, and I don't mean just weed.
These days, I have a sincere fondness for mushrooms too; I just consume them in their natural form, typically on an almond butter sandwich (it's better than it sounds, I promise). Well, that and I make sure they're not “surprise mushrooms” from a complete stranger.
I guess the moral of this story, guys, is don't trust strangers with your drugs, and if you do, make sure you're ready to enjoy it!