What if I told you that those weird aliens with TVs implanted in their abdomens from the British children's show "Teletubbies" are actually even more terrifying than you realized?
No? You don't want to hear about that? You prefer to sleep well at night?
Well, tough. I had to learn about and it ruined my day, so I'm dragging all of you down with me.
Because here's the thing: You know the Teletubbies? Those creepy weirdo aliens we just talked about? Yeah, those things are actually 10-feet tall.
Let that sink in for a moment. Not only are these things incredibly creepy looking and vaguely reminiscent of furbies, but they also have a good four to five feet on the average human being.
If you ever met a Tubby in real life, that genderless alien would loom over you like a giant.
This disturbing revelation hit the internet via a Tumblr thread that was then picked up by BuzzFeed.
The source for those height statistics is a Time magazine article from 2001, titled "Teletubbies Revealed."
In the piece, author Elizabeth Gleick investigates the behind-the-scenes of Teletubbyland. (And from the sounds of it, the working conditions on that set were not so great.)
Though onscreen the Fab Four appear to be a baby-friendly size, in 'person' they are gargantuan, bigger than Barney, bigger even than Big Bird. Po, the smallest, is 6 ft. 6 in., while Tinky Winky looms around 10 ft. tall. This makes for a costume that weighs more than 30 lbs.
Tinky Winky was the purple one by the way, for those who don't speak Tubby.
Hold on. Did she say Tinky Winky is bigger than Barney and Big Bird?! Now there's a monster battle I would definitely pay money to see.
Meanwhile, Po, the tiny baby of the Tubby squad, comes in at a whopping six feet six inches, putting it well in the range to play for the NBA. (Stephen Curry is only six feet three inches!)
So, this is pretty terrible news for all of us, I think.
Let's just all agree to be there for each other in this difficult time.