Warning: This post contains spoilers through Season 5 Episode 3 of Orange is the New Black. You have been warned.
If you've started Season 5 of Orange is the New Black already, first of all, I'm worried about you. Don't you have a job or something?
But also, I respect you. That's dedication.
And if you've already gotten to Episode 3 — well, I'm just plain impressed.
Anyways, let's talk about Linda from Purchasing, shall we? (AKA Linda Ferguson, played by actress Beth Dover.)
Well, she used to be Linda from Purchasing. Now (Here comes the spoiler!) she's Linda the Fake Inmate.
Yep, poor, privileged Linda was using the bathroom when the inmates took over the prison and got trapped inside Litchfield for the duration of the uprising.
In a panic, she recruits Piper and Alex to protect her by helping her blend in as one of the inmates.
Now, in case you don't remember, Linda from Purchasing has a history of being — and I think I'm fairly justified in saying this — a huge b*tch.
She clearly doesn't care about the inmates, she always values saving money over human lives, she replaced the Litchfield GED program with vocational classes (AKA free labor for MCC), and to top it all off, she pointed a gun at Sophia's wife's face.
We also found out last season Linda had never even set foot in a prison before her ill-timed visit to Litchfield.
(She was also in an on-again, off-again relationship with Caputo. I question Caputo's taste in women a lot.)
So, yeah, not gonna lie — it's kind of satisfying to see Linda trapped inside Litchfield, finally getting a up close look at the horrors of prison.
Except... Linda sort of thrives as an inmate, using the cover story that she's in prison for forgery. (The "Counterfeit Cunt of Connecticut.")
Linda admits to Ruiz she doesn't know who Cesar Chavez or Che Guevara is, and Ruiz busts out laughing and declares she likes Linda better than the other white girls.
Boo seems to like Linda, too — Linda volunteers to help Boo carry buckets of slop to the staff who are being held hostage.
It just doesn't seem fair. The MCC staff is finally being punished for their behavior, and Linda — arguably the worst behaved MCC staff member of them all — has managed to ally herself with the oppressor side of oppression yet again.
And hey, it turns Linda's even more of a psychopath than we realized, since we find out via flashbacks that she low-key murdered one of her sorority sisters by letting her freeze to death. So that's fun!
Of course, at the end of the episode Caputo — poised to ambush the inmates — spots Linda and realizes what she's doing. We're left wondering if he'll confront her not.
But there's one thing we know for sure: Linda from Purchasing is pretty much the worst.