It's a fact Leonardo DiCaprio is the sexiest man alive.
I learned this truth back when my eyes first saw him in "Romeo and Juliet." I got through about 0.2 seconds of the film before collapsing on the floor. I'll remember that day for the rest of my life.
I'm sure you're aware it's Leo's 41st birthday today. I've only had the date circled on my calendar for years now.
That's why we must come together and celebrate the birth of this national treasure. Seriously, where would we be without him? Probably dead, if you really think about it.
To honor the hunkalicious Leonardo DiCaprio, let's check out 21 times he was so sexy it hurt. I feel like this is the only appropriate way to truly honor our God, so I hope you're ready for the ride of your life.
Before we get started, I'd like to go over some safety rules. Please be seated at all times and take frequent water breaks so you don't pass out.
Things are about to get super steamy up in this bitch, so proceed with caution.
1. Let's start with this beautiful close up. I don't think I've ever seen anything more perfect in my life.
2. Every time he giggles, it's the most magical thing in the world.
3. OK, yeah, that's his tongue. It's NBD, I'm fine.
4. I'm really OK... I swear, just sweating a little. Holy sh*t.
5. I mean, just look at those bright blue eyes. They're taking me to places I've never been before.
6. I would have babies with that smile, that's all I'm saying.
7. Let's watch as Leo contemplates the meaning of life. Yes, hmm, I see. His arms are looking very lovely.
8. Let's talk about his eye-flirting. The boy really knows what he's doing.
9. And how about this? There's just so much pain and emotion, and like, his shirt's unbuttoned. And he's wet. OK, I'm done.
10. Are you physically in pain yet? Because I am.
11. This is just a work of art. It deserves to be in a museum.
12. When I think of heaven, this is what I envision.
13. Please try to look at this and not drool all over yourself, it's actually impossible.
14. I'M DROOLING EVERYWHERE. His shoulders. His back. I can't. Goodbye world.
15. IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU, REALLY.
16. What even is this? IDK, BUT I'M INTO IT.
17. Talk on the phone in that little towel as long as you'd like, Leo. We can wait, we don't mind.
18. Also, play this GIF at my funeral, that's all I ask.
19. Here Leo's acting super casual and relaxing AS HE DESTROYS THE LIVES OF EVERYONE WITH ONE SINGLE, BEAUTIFUL BLINK.
20. I give up. I surrender. This is too much. BYE.
21. HBD LEO, YOU SEXY FOX. Thanks for being the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. God bless.