What Your First 'Gossip Girl' Crush Says About Your Taste In Men Now

by Candice Jalili
Warner Bros. Television Distribution

Ah, "Gossip Girl." The anthem of my early teen years. First, I read all the books as a way-too-young middle schooler, and then the show came out and I, along with every other young teen girl in the nation, was absolutely hooked.

I mean, judge all you want, but "Gossip Girl" was a CATCHY show. Even my dad was hooked! These hot 15-year-olds who looked like 25-year-olds were living the lives of mega rich 22-year-olds fresh out of college with enough scandal to spare. The show was f*cking gold.

And because we all watched it at such a formative time in our lives, the crushes we formed on our favorite "Gossip Girl" characters weren’t just casual crushes we would have on any TV character on every show. No, we built strong connections with these crushes -- connections so strong that they crept their way into how we date as adults.

Nate Archibald

From Blair to Vanessa, every character on that show was in love with Nate at one point or another. And how could they not be? Nate Archibald was textbook-definition hot. He was an effortless alpha male with a natural charm that could make any pair of panties fall straight down to the ground.

To me, Nate Archibald is nothing but a side hoe. He’s pretty with not a whole lot going on upstairs. Nice to look at and realistically nice to hook up with, but I need a little more PIZZAZZ than what he brings to the table.

But I can’t speak for everybody. Especially in this case, where everyone and their mom seems to be crazy in love with Nathaniel and his classic good looks. Plus, he was all moral when he did stuff like stick up to his evil grandpa and give the gift of friendship to loser outsiders like Dan.

If you found yourself crushing on Nate back in the day, odds are you’re still falling for beautiful men to this day. You’re a sucker for a hot player with not a whole lot going upstairs. You know, that guy who didn’t MEAN to f*ck you over; he was just being his classic gorgeous, nice, idiot self and another girl happened to latch right on!

Chuck Bass

I was obsessed with Chuck Bass. And it wasn’t just Chuck that I was obsessed with. No, it was his relationship with Blair Waldorf. I was OBSESSED, you guys. Chuck and Blair’s love was honestly my sole purpose for watching the show in the first place. To the point where I refused to even watch during the times they weren’t together (obviously in protest to the CW and hoping to get their numbers down so low that they realize they need to get Chuck and Blair back together to bump the numbers back up).

Chuck was the quintessential bad boy with a soft side for the girl he loved. Yeah, there was that whole sold-her-for-a-hotel snafu but, for all intents and purposes, Chuck loved Blair, and he loved her hard.

So, if you loved Chuck, you are like me. To put it kindly, we are f*cked. We expect grand gestures. We want someone who knows how to spoil us with gifts that are both lavish and personal. Not to mention the firm belief that we can change the world’s biggest douchelords.

Dan Humphrey

I gotta be honest here. I know you didn’t ask for my opinion, but I’m going to give it to you anyway: I hate Dan. By far my least favorite character. Not going to spoil it for you here, but hello, have you guys SEEN the series finale?!

But, anyway, for one reason or another, some girls really dig him. And I understand the appeal. Dan is the nice-guy intellectual who understands you on a deeper level. The one who isn’t caught up in all of the stupid bullsh*t of your day-to-day life. He’s above the drama. He looks you in the eyes and sees the real you, he listens when you speak and actually REMEMBERS what you had to say. He’s that guy.

So what does that mean for your dating taste now in real life? You’re a sucker for the fake nice guy. You know who I’m talking about. The guy who plays the nice guy card. He’s usually some sort of hipster who prides himself on being “different” from the rest. But really, at the end of the day, has f*cked just as many ladies as the Nates of this world.

Rufus Humphrey

Maybe it's the fact that I'm very close to my own dad, or maybe it's just the fact that I'm attracted to the boyish charm of a younger man, but I've never really been big into the whole older-men thing. So, needless to say, Rufus was NOT my type. But if you were going to be into any dad on "Gossip Girl," we all know it would be Rufus.

Even for me -- a straight girl who sees all dads as asexual beings -- I have to admit: Rufus was hot. Rufus was hot and had that whole cool musician thing going for him. Plus, he actually WAS a moral human being and managed to set even b*tchy Upper East Side ice queen, Lily, in her place.

If you were into Rufus, you want someone to take care of you. In college, you were constantly crushing on the professors ... possibly more than a crush a few times (BOW CHICKA WOW WOW). Even if he's not an older man, you like a guy who seems wise beyond his weird. The frat lord shotgunning the beer in under 30 seconds is just not for you (unfortunately, I can't say the same for myself). You want someone who challenges you morally and intellectually.