Wells, Wells, Wells.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE IT!
OK, all right, so Wells Adams — this season's “Bachelorette” contestant who took a little too long to smush mouths with Jojo and ended up being booted for his jaded outlook on romance — filmed himself drunk-watching last night's episode and no one's sure how to feel about it.
At the start of the season, like, the VERY start (I'm talking climbing-out-the-damn-limo start), Wells was the best. This is fact, not opinion, based on his adorable face, longish body and the fact it didn't appear to be his first time communicating with other humans, unlike most cast members on this show.
Over the course of the season, Wells got stuck in his head and was last to seal the deal with Jojo re: lip stuff.
Though he eventually kissed her, he followed it up with a date where he basically questioned the very existence of true, deep, unconditional love and everyone, including Jojo, was like, “K, gotta be honest, this might not be your show.”
We were all ready to see him go at the time, but when I heard he was posting drunk solo “Bachelorette” watch party sessions on Facebook, I was obviously intrigued.
A cute, tall (by television's standards), emotionally unavailable guy who talks a lot but says a little? As a lady comic, I have a duty to seek others like me and form distant, unfulfilling crushes on them until I either meet someone more functional than myself or get hungry and forget what I was doing in the first place.
TL;DR: Wells' Facebook is my crack spot.
About eight minutes into watching his latest video post, chronicling his reactions to Monday's episode, I wave my cursor over the screen to discover only TWO MINUTES AND 50 SECONDS have passed.
While watching someone as loquacious and gorgeous as myself is not as fun as simply being the loquacious, gorgeous one filling the Internet with pointless content, I'll admit the video has its bright spots:
- Wells invents a drinking game wherein participants (just him, in this case) drink whenever Jojo calls something "crazy." The game is fun if you love drinking, but sad if you're worried about how few adjectives Jojo knows.
- "Who do you think has more pairs of white jeans: Robby or Don Johnson?"
- There is a dog named Carl. He may belong to Wells, but I like to think of him as an equal contributor to their household.
- Lazy fart joke.
- As a whole, the video is Sadboy Cinema at it's finest. Oh, what IS Sadboy Cinema? It's this. And probably whatever Zach Braff is doing right now.