'Game Of Thrones' Season 6 Episode Recap
Game of Thrones Season 7 is only two weeks away. So, if you need a reminder of everything that happened last season, we've got just the thing.
Behold, your official cheat sheet for everything that happened in Game of Thrones Season 6. Let's run it down episode by episode.
Episode 1: The Red Woman
As Melisandre takes a nap in Castle Black, Sansa and Theon made a run for it from Winterfell. Brienne swoops in and saves them. Sansa swears her into service. Down south, Jaime comes home with Myrcella's body, but before Cersei could swear vengeance, the Sandsnakes kill off half the Dornish cast.
Across the Narrow Sea, Arya is a blind beggar. Southwest near Meereen, Dany is kidnapped by Dothraki while Drogon naps. Tyrion and Varys discover they're losing to the terrorists when the fleet that's supposed to take them all to Westeros is torched.
Jon Snow is still dead.
Episode 2: Home
Bran returns, having been hit hard with the puberty stick, and dreams of Ned as a kid. Sansa learns Arya is still alive and heads off to the Wall to find Jon. Theon heads home, while his Uncle Euron kills Balon.
In Essos, Dany discovers the Dothraki want to condemn her to a fate worse than death: widowhood. Tyrion makes friends with her dragons. Arya gets beat up a bunch before being allowed to go back into the assassin's guild.
Jon Snow lives.
Episode 3: Oathbreaker
Jon hangs the mutineers. (Bye, Olly!) Ramsay gets a new Stark prisoner: Rickon. (Bye, Shaggydog!) Southwards, Cersei attempts to bully her way back to being in charge, only to be treated by the Small Council the way she used to treat others. Further south, Sam admits he's going to leave Gilly with his parents, which is a bad idea.
Not much happens in Essos other than proof the Masters are funding the insurgency in Meereen, and Arya getting more therapy and her sight back. In Bran's dreams, he sees his father fight the Kingsguard to save Lyanna, and learns Ned wasn't always the Most Honorable Man in the World.
Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
Sansa and Jon reunite and it feels so good. Ramsay's so mad about people being happy, he sends Jon threatening letters, which Sansa uses to her advantage. Over on the Iron Islands, Yara and Theon also reunite, and it's merely OK. In Meereen, Tyrion tries pulling a Mitch McConnell in passing unpopular legislation by delaying the effect for a while.
In the Red Keep, Cersei and Olenna team up for a plan to rescue Margaery, unaware she's a self-rescuing princess. In other self-rescuing damsels in distress news, Daario and Jorah arrive to discover all that is required of them by Dany is kneeling to her awesome fire-retardant power.
Episode 5: The Door
Sansa tells off Littlefinger in exquisite detail before she and Jon skedaddle to start Reminding the North. Dany tells Jorah to go find a place where the Affordable Care Act isn't being repealed so he can take part in Greyscale Clinical Trials. Arya gets a new assignment, involving tickets to a production of "Your Life, As Told By Cersei's Propaganda Team." Tyrion also hires propagandists, in the form of R'hllor's religion.
Hodor dies and it's the worst. It's all Bran's fault Meera has to drag his butt through the snow.
Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Since "Meera Dragging Bran Through The Snow" would be awfully boring to watch for the next five hours, HalfDead BenJen shows up with an alive-enough horse to solve the problem. Moving southwards, Margaery's self-rescuing princess act screws up everyone's plans and makes Jaime Lannister look like an idiot. Further south, Sam's dad is not just a total monster, but a racist narrow-minded twit as well, so rather than leave his girlfriend, Sam takes his sword. Yara and Theon run from Euron.
Across the Narrow Sea, Dany puts on a performance on the back of a dragon, while Arya drops her performance of trying to be No One and gets her contractor status revoked at the House of Black and White LLC.
Episode 7: The Broken Man
Speaking of performances, the regularly scheduled Game of Thrones proceedings were interrupted for a two-man play entitled "Brother Ray and The Hound." It was delightful, but HBO canceled it before the hour was up and had the lead actor killed.
In between scenes from this new show, The North tells Jon and Sansa to get stuffed, except Lyanna Mormont, who goes on to steal every scene she's in for the rest of the season. Jaime arrives in the Riverlands where The Freys and Tullys have been paused since Season 3. Yara gives Theon a hug, Margaery gives Olenna a hug too, and tells her to get the hell out of Dodge. Arya gets a much more stabby hug from the Waif.
Episode 8: No One
Jaime unpauses the Riverlands and catches them up to the rest of the timeline. The Blackfish gets himself killed, while Jaime and Brienne get to reconnect once more. (Not like that.) Bronn and Pod also reconnect. (No, not like that either.) In other Season 3 resurrections, Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr put themselves in the Hound's path so that he has an already-moving-North plot point to join up with.
Cersei chooses violence. Varys runs away from the religious folk, leaving Tyrion to cope when his propaganda and legislation both fail. Arya forgets her fatal stab wounds and kills the Waif in a totally impossible manner.
Episode 9: Battle of the Bastards
Dany and Fire win the Battle of Slaver's Bay, while Yara brings them ships. Jon Snow and Ice nearly lose the Battle for Winterfell. Sansa rides in and saves the day -- because you can't trust men to get anything right. As a reward, she gets the master suite, and the right to kill Ramsay.
Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
Everyone in King's Landing dies except Cersei.
Arya breaks the laws of physics, turning up in Riverrun to kill Walder Frey. Jon breaks laws of sensibility and sends Melisandre away. Sam breaks laws of the Citadel and brings Gilly inside. The Lords of the North break their promises about not doing this again, and name Jon King In The North. BenJen can't break the laws of magic, leaving Bran and Meera at the Wall. Jaime discovers Cersei broke all the laws and crowned herself Queen of the Andals. Bran breaks the laws of time and space so that we can learn that R=L totally equaled J this whole time.
Everyone else joined Team Targ, and Dany sailed for home.