Which one of you meathead turd-slurpers made a comment about Lauren Conrad's baby bump, hmm?
Who here walked up and made some sloppy, thoughtless remark about how much our favorite “Hills” star is showing, huh?
No one is leaving this room until I find out who made Laur feel self-conscious about her bump.
In a post on her blog titled “Ladylike Laws: 4 Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman,” Lauren Conrad urges readers to stop commenting on “the size or shape of any other part of a woman's body,” including expectant friends' baby bumps.
The designer wrote,
Women carry their pregnancy in all different ways, and can be self-conscious about it. Whether a woman is bigger than average or she's not showing as much as she thought she would be, keep in mind that it can be a very sensitive subject.
If you're thinking, “Fine, then. I'll just ask with my hands,” SIT. THE HELL. BACK. DOWN.
Moms-to-be do not want your weirdo ice fingers creeping across their bellies like clouds across a full moon, you freak.
When my best friend Hannah was pregnant two years ago, I was witness to this phenomenon more than once. It happens way more often than you would think! Even if you are a close friend or family member, it doesn't hurt to ask first before making a grab for the belly.
The 30-year-old mother-to-be also recommended folks avoid asking married couples when they plan to start a family and — please tell me you already knew this next one — never to ask when a woman is due unless you're sure she's pregnant.
I've heard from several of my friends that this is a question they have been asked in the first few months postpartum when they haven't quite lost the baby weight and still have a little 'bump.' There are also some people who just carry their weight in their belly even if they have never had a baby. There's no bigger blow to someone's self-confidence and body image than asking them if they are pregnant when they are not.
Duh, you guys. DUH.
Frankly? So ashamed of all of you. Get out of my sight.