Let me see your back.
I said: Let me see your back.
Why are you being weird? Just show me your frigging back.
Ah, just as I thought. Bacne. Acne of the back. The ol' shoulder blade mountain range. The summertime ruiners. The tiny Gollums on your spinal column.
YOU GOT BACNE, BITCH.
Luckily for you, Kendall Jenner is also a longtime acne sufferer, which isn't a super sought-after feature in the fashion world.
She's opened up on her app before about her blemish struggles and, in a recent video post titled “Skin Savvy: Body Acne,” brought in dermatologist Christie Kidd to give us a few tips to avoid having a bunch of tiny zits in the space between our pits (I cannot stop).
Christie told viewers one culprit creating all these nasty-ass back volcanoes might be the way we wash our hair.
Most of us, we wash our hair, we condition it, and when our conditioner is sitting, that's when we wash our body, and then the last we do is rinse out our conditioner.
Hold up a heckin' MINUTE, Christiegirl. I SAID HOLD UP A DARN HECKING MINUTE, CHRISTINE.
Are you suggesting the nourishing wonder cream we mush all over our thirsty scalps is damaging our pore situation everywhere else? Is that what you're suggesting right now? Is your full name even Christine???
Christie insisted a better modus operandi is as follows (paraphrased by yours truly):
- Wash your dirty hair, dang.
- Slather some conditioner in there. Make it look like juicy pasta.
- RINSE IT OUT NOW!!! OMG.
- Clip your hair up on top of your head like a plate of dead spaghetti.
- Wash your dirty body, like forreal.
Props in the shower -- especially any with teeth -- seem like a recipe for disaster, but far be it from me to tell Christie how to keep America's backs clear.
Get yourself a shower clip ASAP.