Let Ellen DeGeneres try to make everything better.
Last night sucked.
It sucked more than anything has ever sucked in the history of things sucking. It was worse than *this one major plot spoiler from the last season of "The Sopranos" I won't spoil for you.* It was worse than the ending of "Lost." It was even arguably worse than that time a bunch of TV execs canceled "Freaks And Geeks."
What I'm trying to say is, just like you, I can't really rationalize things unless they're put into TV terms.
Thankfully, our cool TV aunt Ellen DeGeneres has some calming words for us following last night's world ending dump festival election results.
During her show, she joked to her audience,
No matter what your politics are, we all have that feeling of stepping out of the shower and realizing you left the towel completely across the bathroom and you have to do that shimmy on the bathmat all the way across where you try to get the minimal amount of water trying to tip toe like, 'Just that one drop of water will be there if I do it that way.
Later going on to say,
We all do that thing where you're pulling into a parking garage and you duck your head just to make sure you make it. It doesn't matter if you're a liberal or if you're conservative, we've all passed out watching Netflix and woke up not knowing what episode we're on, what season we're on, whose couch we're on.
She finished her address by asking for her fans to see through their differences and embrace each other in order to make our country stronger, saying,
What I'm trying to say is that we have so much in common, our differences actually make us stronger. We need to have the kindness and respect for one another. Here's where I make the exception: the people that leave the shopping carts in the middle of your parking spot. Out of the country. Kick them out of the country. Bring the shopping cart back!
Thank you, Ellen, for being the ray of constant sunshine we all need.