Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are probably the most chill couple on the planet. Every time I watch videos of them, I'm like, "Wow, these people are both individually extremely attractive, but in like, a totally normal way?"
Like yeah, they're huge celebrities and are probably the hottest of the huge celebrities, but I also feel like I would run into them at Target in my hometown of Burke, Virginia, and I wouldn't be at all shocked to see them there. Is that just me?
OK, maybe it is. But to me, they are the epitome of completely normal people who just happen to have jobs that make everyone in the world know who they are. And I LOVE THEM FOR IT. (Please be my friends, I have none.)
To prove just how normal he and his wife are, Kutcher went on "Ellen" this week and told her all about the time he learned Mila is always right — a lesson apparently a lot of men learn after they get married (I wouldn't know, I'm gonna die alone). She apparently named their baby and predicted Trump's win all in one night.
Kutcher told Ellen, "So we're on our way to the date night, and Mila turns to me and she goes, 'So I think Donald Trump is going to become the president, and I think our baby's name is Dimitri.'"
Yes, those things are completely related. He continued,
And I was like, 'Donald Trump's not going to win this.' And then I forgot about the name thing because I was like, 'Why do you think Donald Trump's going to win?' And she predicted — I'm telling you, she called it. It's not even a joke. But any which way, so I was like, 'That's just not, it's not real,' and we ended up not talking about it. And then two weeks later, I got home from work and for some reason the name just stuck in my head, and I was like, 'I think Dimitri is the name of the baby,' and she's like, 'I know, right?' And I was like, 'Yeah, that's it.' Everything Mila said is right! But she's my wife, so that's just what it is.
Every time I hear the name Dimitri, I automatically yell, "THIS IS FOR DIMITRI. THIS IS FOR MY FAMILY. AND THIS, THIS IS FOR YOU. DASVIDANIYA" in my head. You know, that part in "Anastasia"? No one? Nooooo one? OK, bye.
Kutcher continued to tell Ellen about how much their daughter, Wyatt, loves her little brother. He said, "Wyatt thinks the baby is her baby, and at some point I'm going to have to explain to her it's not really her baby, and I don't know how I'm going to do that."
He also joked around and said he's pretty afraid Wyatt's going to kill the baby because she likes to squeeze him so much. He said,
I went through, like, a phase of where I had to keep Wyatt alive, and then I went through a phase where I had to keep her from killing herself and now I'm going through a phase where I have to keep her from killing the other baby.
My mom once told me she was afraid I was going to kill my little sister when she was a baby, but it wasn't as cute because I was, like, 10 at the time and a lot more sinister. So, there's that.