Why 'Bachelorette' Dean Unglert Should Just Date Me Instead
There's no mild way to put this: Dean's hometown date was gut-wrenching. Everything started off fine, but watching his father storm out in the middle of a conversation that literally pained Dean to have was absolutely brutal.
I was also pretty disturbed every time I remembered there was a crew of people filming this extremely vulnerable moment in this family for the sake of reality television.
1. We Are The Perfect Ages For Each Other
At 26, Dean is much younger than 31-year-old Rachel. Double standards about older men/younger women and younger men/older women aside, Dean just would not fall in Rachel's age range on Tinder. But he falls in mine! (24 to 28, for those wondering)
Rachel also did not think Dean was "really ready" for what she's looking for. Well, Dean, not only do I think you are way more mature than you were given credit for, but you're undoubtedly ready for me, a 23-year-old who still calls her mom to ask how long to cook chicken for and who is definitely not trying to get married right now. Wanna grab drinks?
2. My Mom Is Awesome And Would Happily Be The Maternal Figure Dean Needs
We learned earlier in the season that Dean's mom died, a fact that brought him to tears while on a one-on-one date with Rachel. If Dean were to be my boyfriend, my mom would fiercely protect and care for Dean like he was her son, standing in as the maternal figure that's missing from his life.
My mom has enough mom to go around: She made my family a home-cooked meal every night growing up, and she did my laundry for most of my life because she didn't believe in kids doing chores. She also still makes my dentist appointments for me when I put them off, which is always.
Dean might need to get used to all this mothering, but I think he'd come to really love it.
3. He Won't Have To Worry About Camera Crews Creeping On Difficult Moments
I'm not the Bachelorette, so if he wants to have a hard conversation with his dad while I'm over at his house, he can do so, knowing it will not be spliced into a 40-minute clip to be consumed by millions. Considering the issues in his family, I feel like this is one of my top appeals.
4. I Laugh At Inappropriate Times, Too
One of Rachel's biggest peeves with Dean, especially on the last one-on-one date they had before hometowns, was that Dean had a habit of laughing inappropriately and not taking things very seriously. What Rachel did not realize was that he wasn't being a douchebag — he was probably just extremely nervous.
Three things happen to me when I get nervous: I talk a lot, my palms get sweaty, and I laugh. I understand Dean's need to laugh in the middle of an uncomfortable situation because that's mostly how I handle difficult things.
I was also in a sketch and improv comedy group in college, so I'm used to being surrounded by people who take nothing seriously at all times.
Dean, I speak your language.
5. He Has The All-American Bro Look That I Have A Weakness For
Dean has the blindingly white toothy smile of a guy in a pastel button-down who just asked me if he could buy me a Bud Light at Brother Jimmy's, and will try to grind with me when a 2 Chainz song comes on. I noticed this from the moment I saw him for the first time during Nick Viall's After the Final Rose episode. And I was into it.
6. I Love A Man Who Would Call Me Out On My Sh*t
When Rachel sent Dean home last night, he said, "I told you that I was falling in love with you. And you said it back."
That right there is a man who is unafraid to call a girl out for being shady, and I find that extremely attractive. It shows he's confident and will push me to be real with him at all times, and honesty is very important in any relationship.
Dean, if you're reading this, please @ me. My favorite dinosaur is a velociraptor.