You Are Enough: If You Think You Need A Man, You Need To Be Single

by Jordan Lueder

I don’t need a man.

I don’t need a man to buy me a drink as I sit at the bar. I have my own money, and am most likely contemplating something more important than who's going to buy my next cranberry vodka.

I don’t need a man to carry my things or attempt to help me when I’m lifting something heavy. I have two hands, and I am much stronger than I look.

I don’t need a man to call me when I want to express my emotions. I’ve got my sisters and a blank Word document for that.

I don’t need a man to put together chairs, hang mirrors or do any of my housework, for that matter. I’m perfectly capable of figuring it out for myself.

I don’t need a man to pay for my purses, clothes, adventures or fine dinning. I enjoy spoiling myself in this way, but even so, I am content without having such luxuries to begin with.

I don’t need a man to serenade me. I already have an iPhone full of Drake for that.

Now that I am single, I've come to the realization I don’t need a man to feel complete. I can complete myself, and if a man wants to add anything to my life, it should be something intangible. It should not be a presence or an incorporation of material items to fill a void or a gaping hole in my life.

A partner should not be a way to finish the project that is you. He or she should simply add experiences to it.

Being single can seem unbearable until you realize it really isn’t. It’s devastating until you start figuring out this new ability to work on yourself, for yourself, by yourself. It’s lonely until you discover all that you are able to do and accomplish without having anybody else by your side.

I want to be single.

I want see what it is I can achieve, without having to need someone by my side. I want to make choices without being influenced by the one I love. I want to travel the world and make mistakes, without a boyfriend waiting on me or badgering me for drinking too much.

When you are in a relationship, it’s so easy to fall back on your significant other. It becomes a habit to call for him or her when you’re sick, tired, lonely or in need of that extra push. You suddenly have someone to feel complete with.

We fail to recognize we can actually do this on our own.

Not only that, but we often make crucial sacrifices for partners that limit our own abilities. We give up parts of ourselves in order to make a relationship continue, because we want so badly for that person to stay in our lives.

This isn’t really how a relationship should work.

You shouldn’t have to feel as if you need anyone. You don’t need another human being to feel like yourself, or to make you feel better. You don’t need someone else to determine your own self-worth.

And if you don’t realize this now, then you need to be single.

You can do this.

Let go of all your reasons for latching on to the next douche bag who places his hand on your back, and buy your own damn drinks. Pay for your own subscription to Netflix. Learn to pick yourself up from lying in bed all day.

Take yourself to the movies, to dinner, to a club. You don’t need a partner to live life fully.

If anything, being without one is what makes the experiences you have more enriching and thrilling. There is not as much worry. There is no contemplating whether or not you could potentially hurt this person who has become such a huge part in your life.

Relationships are beautiful. But if you think you need one to be fulfilled, you will desperately continue seeking out another person, instead of focusing on the most important one in your life: you.

Love can be overwhelming and all-consuming at times. It can take up most of your mind, but once you have been single for a decent amount of time, you will realize you don’t need another person to complete you.

You learn that, although you may be in love, it is simply a blessing of good feelings. It is a gift, but it can be taken away.

But that's okay. You are prepared for it. Realizing this helps you to be just in love when it finally does come, rather than being attached.

It helps you decide whether the relationship is actually worth it or not. It helps you realize what you deserve in such a relationship. It helps you leave when you are being mistreated.

You can stay, trying to work things out, or you can leave, knowing you will be okay.

You will not be broken or incomplete. The relationship you finally build after being on your own for some time doesn’t have to be your entire life. It doesn’t have to be what consumes you and makes you great.

You are the one who makes you great. Not a man, not a woman: you.

You are complete and lovely and whole. You don’t need another person to fill that void. You have what it takes on your own, so please, don’t be afraid of being single.