You're Not Sick, You're Single: Why Happiness Doesn't Have To Involve Two People
It's taken two months of planning, rescheduling and pulling out hair to agree on a time and place to get us here. Nobody said it would be easy, but we had to try. Finally, it all worked out. Lunch with the girls.
Noah made it seem like a breeze to be able to gather two of every animal on earth into one place at one time. But, something about bringing together four women for anything other than the sequel to "Magic Mike"... not so simple.
Yet, here we are. All of that planning finally paid off and at long last, we're having our long overdue catch-up.
One of us is single and the rest of us are "otherwise committed." We are a mix of married, dating and "don't ask, don't tell" (we'll ask, she'll tell... after a couple mimosas).
There's not shortage of conversation to be had and no topic is off limits in this circle. And yet, seemingly the only subject du jour is our single friend's love life — or lack thereof.
After an onslaught of questions aimed to uncover why exactly our successful, beautiful and painfully funny friend can't seem to "land a man," I got to thinking: Why is it so difficult to believe that someone can self-fulfill without needing to be in constant pursuit of a partner?
Why are we so concerned that our outgoing, independent friend could fall into a depressive state of loneliness just because she lacks a steady +1? After all, she's not sick — she's single.
So many of us bounce from relationship to relationship, looking for someone who can give us what we need and be satisfied with what we have to offer.
Often, that time between pairing up is spent either mourning a breakup or putting ourselves out there in the hopes of moving on to something better.
Having been a serial monogamist my whole life, I can relate. I can also attest to the fact that generally, what I desperately want in someone new is really something I just hadn't taken the time to explore in myself. In love, two halves can't make a whole.
We simply aren't designed to fit together so seamlessly. The puzzle pieces we bring to a partnership should not aim to complete, but rather complement.
When you choose to invest part of yourself and your life in another person, you should feel confident about what you bring to the table. Too often, we come together as half-formed shadows of who we truly are and we get lost in the light of the other person.
Taking the time to discover what you want and need from someone else is only possible when you've already determined what you have to offer and what you're willing to give.
Single does not mean that you are lonely or even necessarily looking. Single does not have to find you deep into a tub of Ben & Jerry's with a battered copy of "Bridget Jones's Diary" at your bedside, nor does it have to find you obliterated out of your mind every weekend, standing next to speakers that might be louder than your own miserable thoughts. You are single; you are not sad or defective or sick.
As individuals, we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We are capable of so much more than we believe. Happiness is not a game that requires two players.
You can find genuine joy in life all on your own. Having the courage to embrace a little solitude can be more liberating than growing dependant on the comforts of companionship.
Understand that in this ever-changing world, few things are more certain than what I am about to tell you: The only person guaranteed to be by your side through all the days and adventures of your life is you.
Everyone else may fade away, but you will always remain. Recognizing the strength in knowing who you are on your own and taking the time to figure that out is priceless.
Enjoy the single life. Savor the quality time with yourself and get to know who you truly are. I can promise you that you won't find those answers hidden within someone else.
Photo Courtesy: Flickr