Why It's Absolutely Disrespectful To Break Up With Someone In A Text

by Dan Scotti

I’m not really sure there’s a “pleasant” way to break someone’s heart – but there is certainly a right way to go about it.

Nobody likes rejection, and when it comes from the mouth of a lover, or former lover, it surely doesn’t become any easier of a pill to swallow.

Part of what makes rejection so difficult is that there isn’t usually much you can say, or do, in response to it. Sometimes you just have to accept it.

I mean, if your girlfriend truly believes she’d be better off without you, it would almost be unfair to force her to stick around and try to convince her otherwise.

And while you should always fight for the people whom you love – part of loving is letting go, and sometimes accepting rejection is simply the right thing to do, as a mature person.

But rejection is almost always a two-way street. There are proper, mature, ways of going about being rejected – and, at the same time – there are right and wrong ways of delivering it, as well. And this concept applies especially in regard to relationships, and the people involved in them.

When breaking up with someone, you need to be mindful of the consequences of your own actions.

Remember, with matters of love, you’re almost always playing with a person’s most intense emotions. And while you might think that a breakup is in both of your best interests, you can never be too sure your significant other will agree.

For this reason, it’s only fair to go the extra mile, yourself, to make sure he or she is comfortable with how things are playing out – or, at the very least, understand where you’re coming from.

True closure requires two people seeing eye to eye with each other, without any questions left unanswered.

Don’t half-ass a breakup. If you want to cut ties with someone, do your due diligence, and handle your business the right way. There’s nothing admirable about getting the f*ck out of Dodge, once you find yourself unsatisfied in a romantic situation.

And nothing screams “getting out of Dodge,” like breaking up with someone you once loved over text.

Personally, I don’t think I could ever break up with someone over text – and this is coming from the kid who will likely bring an iPhone charger to your dinner party.

While, at times, my phone may seem like an extension of my hand –  I would never make the mistake of blurring the line between romantic affairs and ones that can be handled over the phone.

Think about it. Phones are designed to make matters more convenient. Sure, I might forgo picking up food myself, on behalf of Seamless.

I may bypass hailing a cab in the winter, with the help of Uber. But I make use of all of these services solely because they’re more convenient from the screen of my phone.

And breaking up with someone over text is no different. It might be more convenient, but it also demonstrates a blatant lack of empathy toward the person you’re breaking up with.

While invested in a relationship, it should be one of the most important aspects of your life.

If you’re able to just remove that part of your life, with the tap of an iPhone screen, then it only becomes evident how little the relationship honestly meant to you.

Relationships should be predicated on the notion of genuineness, of authenticity.

How you choose to handle the matters of your relationship, while you’re in them, should mirror how you choose to go about your relationship when it ends.

There shouldn’t be a drop off in your sincerity once things go sour; that’s just selfish.

According to Anna Miller for the American Psychological Association, "When someone chooses to text break up, they are also choosing not to write a letter, call or email," she writes in her book. In other words, the method is a part of the message itself.”

In other words, when you decide to break up with someone over text – you’re inadvertently telling that person that you want to take the easy way out.

Ilana Gershon, PhD, anthropologist and associate professor at Indiana University, decided to take a deeper look into the psychology behind present day breakups – and the repercussions of text breakups.

Gershon’s research, which polled 72 subjects – most of whom were undergraduates – expressed the importance of media ideologies, or the “views about how and when various modes of communication should be used,” as explained by Miller.

Part of why text breakups are so discourteous, is because of mismatches in the media ideologies between lovers.

While one person might invest a great deal of weight into matters of text, others might not. It’s not to say that one person is necessarily right and the other isn’t, it’s just selfish to assume that your significant other will view text messages in the same light as you.

And this focus on a message’s unique medium, Gershon explains, is something that’s specific to American culture. However, while we might care the most about message medium – we don’t seem to be doing much about it.

According to one survey administered by, a dating site, statistics showed that 88 percent of males reported breaking up with someone over text – and 18 percent of women have too. Clearly, these numbers aren’t very reassuring.

Almost nine out of every 10 men included in that survey probably went about their breakups incorrectly.

If you want to close the book on a certain relationship, always make sure you’re doing so in a classy matter – and not one that you, or your significant other, will regret in the coming years.

With anything in life, it’s always best to finish strong. Whether it’s at a job you may not like – or in a relationship with someone whom you might have once loved – how you choose to finish something will likely serve as someone’s lasting impression of you.

Have the respect for your significant other – and yourself – and break up in person. It's just the right thing to do.