Before You Complain About Being Single, Ask Yourself: Would I Date Me?
There's a question we're all ignoring, but it's the elephant in the room. We need to talk about it.
If you're a straight woman, you might be sitting around and wondering, Why am I single? Why can't I find love? Why can't a nice, normal, successful, funny, amazing guy come into my life and want to be my one and only?
Perhaps the answer is not so far off. Maybe it isn't a question of finding the right guy; maybe it's about becoming the right woman.
I've known my boyfriend for nearly four years, but we've been dating for a little over one. He recently told me some interesting things that, at first, made me defensive and angry, but after really thinking them through, I've come to realize he had some really excellent points.
He told me he always knew he wanted me to be his girlfriend one day, but I just wasn't in a place in my life to be a good girlfriend when we met.
He was right, honestly. I was a hot mess. I was partying, drinking, hooking up with randos, barely making any money and posting the evidence all over social media. I had no regrets. I thought I was the bomb. Who wouldn't want to be with me? I was fun, amazing, carefree and fearless.
Now that I'm looking back on it, I can't help but see that I may have been having a fantastic time, but I wasn't in any place to be a good girlfriend. And -- dare I say it? -- I wasn't in any place to deserve the nice, stable, fun, cute, charming, sweet guy that I thought I did.
It wasn't until I quit blacking out several nights a week, got my life together, started acting like an adult and really began taking myself seriously that I wound up with a man who was really wonderful.
I'm not saying I totally have my sh*t together. Who has their sh*t together 100 percent? Sure, my Instagram is still out of control, and I get f*cked up sometimes, but I can honestly say that when I look in the mirror I believe I am a dateable person.
When I think about how I am as a person, I can see someone who is not just fun and charming in person, but is also great on paper. I'm not perfect, but I've made myself a much more desirable candidate when it comes to love.
Life is not just about self-love; it's about self-improvement. It's about being willing to make the RIGHT changes to find a partner who is right for you.
You need to face yourself in the mirror and take a good, hard look at your life. You need to understand what your actions mean and accept, through self-realization, the image you're portraying to the world.
And the biggest question you have to ask yourself is this: Would you date you if you weren't you?
We all think we're the exception. We think we're f*cking fabulous.
We all think, "F*ck the world. I'm amazing. I'm fabulous. I can do whatever the f*ck I want, and everyone will still want me."
Think about it this way. If you were going to date a guy and he was spending his measly paycheck on cheap wine and his night focused more on having fun than laying the foundation for a stable and happy life, would you want to date him?
No. No, you wouldn't. No one wants to date "Party Guy" after a certain age. We all think we're the exception to the rule. We all think we can be the hot mess and still get the fantastic, normal, kind man.
This just isn't true. You're not that f*cking special just because you think you are. You can't get away with being tragic just because you're you.
You might dress yourself up like the couture queen, all perfect eyelashes and tulle. You may have the charm of Grace Kelly and the candor of Katherine Hepburn, but if you don't have your sh*t together, do you really think the guy you want to fall in love with is going to fall in love with you?
We judge others, but we don't want to judge ourselves.
We're so quick to judge. We're so f*cking harsh about our potential partners. At the same time, we give ourselves too much credit. I know I've been guilty of this. I didn't want to date anyone who didn't have his life completely together.
I would scoff at some idiot who was out spending more money on bottle service than his portfolio. Meanwhile, I'm over here dancing on tables and jumping in and out of internships. Who the f*ck was I to think some dude who had his sh*t together was going to be down with my f*ckery?
If you're not going to be someone worthy of a healthy, happy love, how can you possibly expect to find it? You may think you're some "project," that you're someone to be "saved," and you like that, but that isn't normal or stable.
You need to have your life together and be the person you want to be able to find the guy.
If you become a dateable person, a dateable person will f*cking date you.
If you can look at yourself objectively and think, F*ck yeah I would date me. My bank account is loaded, my job excites me, my wardrobe is on fleek and my health is my top priority, then, well, wouldn't you date you? Because I would. I would date me.