Why The Woman You Love Should Want You, Not Need You

by Paul Hudson

There are some people in this world who find people in need of saving, attractive. I understand the concept very well, as it was this idea that initially turned my world upside down.

There’s just something attractive about a woman who needs saving -- who we believe needs saving. It makes us feel... needed.

It gives us a sort of purpose, a reason for falling for and pursuing her. You find a woman whom you believe needs saving and all of a sudden you have an outlet for how wonderful you are -- or at least, for how wonderful you believe yourself to be. It’s all just an ego trip.

Maybe it’s all the movies we grew up on, where the prince saves the damsel in distress.

Finding yourself in such a one-sided relationship makes you feel as if you yourself are a part of such a story. You feel like the hero in your own personal fairytale.

Here’s the problem: The story can only end in two ways. Either you don’t manage to save the woman you have fallen for and the relationship falls apart (a woman who needs saving is only attractive if you believe you can save her) or you do save her. And then what?

Once you save her, that’s where the story actually begins. In our minds, however, it’s where the story ends.

Take it from someone who’s been there; you’re much better off finding a woman who is capable of saving herself. In the end, we’re all looking for partners, not charity cases.

1. She’s Strong.

If a woman needs saving, then she either can’t save herself or isn’t willing to save herself. Either way, she’s weak. Weak people don’t make it very far in life and whatever they do manage to accomplish is never really an accomplishment of their own.

Such women like to ride the backs of others. Not just men, but their female friends alike. Just about everyone can name such an individual -- it's common. Weak and common. How exactly are such qualities attractive?

A strong woman can take care of herself. She can do what needs to be done without having to be reminded or coerced. She believes in herself and her abilities.

Will she accept help when help is offered? Sometimes. But she likes to do things her own way, so usually she just lets you watch.

2. She’s Independent.

Human beings want to feel wanted. You surely want a woman who needs you, which is why you’re falling for women who need saving.

The point of relationships, however -- in large part -- are to allow you to expand your scope of reality. You don’t need someone in your life who does exactly the same things you do, who likes the same things you do, and who spends every waking moment with you.

No matter how much you love someone, you still need to be your own person. Love is tricky because it makes us want to give up our independence. Until, of course, enough time passes and you realize you need your independence.

An independent woman already understands this, and because she does, the relationship the two of you have is more likely to succeed.

3. She’s Smart.

This is just evolutionary theory. Human beings evolved their intellect in order to survive. Nowadays, we do our best to expand that intellect not only in order to survive, but to flourish.

A woman who truly needs saving can’t possibly be smart. She either isn’t capable of doing the most basic of things -- like surviving on her own -- or she refuses to do what’s necessary in order to strive. Either way, from an evolutionary standpoint, she’s a dud.

It’s not easy saving yourself. It takes focus, dedication, perseverance and -- most importantly -- the hunger for a better life.

If your woman isn’t going after what she wants in life, then don’t expect her to stick around when your relationship hits a rough patch.

4. She Can Handle Cleaning Up Her Own Messes.

Don’t get me wrong, a man ought to get down on his knees next to his woman and mop up whatever mess she accidentally made. Yet, he should only follow suit, not be the one leading the cleanup crew.

Sometimes the messes we make are too chaotic to clean up on our lonesome. If your woman doesn’t at least attempt to do so herself, however, and instead relies on you to clean up her messes, what exactly is it you’re getting out of the relationship?

You may think you enjoy helping her now, but imagine the umpteenth time. Will you still be willing to clean up after her? Even when she doesn’t bother trying to fix the situation herself?

5. She Can Help You Clean Up Your Messes.

More than that, she can teach you a thing or two about life itself.

Life is messy. It’s difficult to both navigate and comprehend. When it comes down to it, you want a woman in your life who has your back just as much as you have hers. You want her not only to accept your help, but to offer it.

A woman who can’t save herself won’t be capable of saving you either -- and believe me, the chances of you needing saving at one point in your life or another is almost certain.

But it’s more than just about helping and saving, and cleaning up messes. It’s about finding a woman who can show you another side of life.

It’s about finding a woman who can show you, teach you and force you to try things you never thought you’d experience.

A woman who needs saving will never add to your life; she’ll only take from it.

6. She’ll Never Really Need You.

We all want to feel needed, but at the same time, as soon as we believe we are truly needed, we get bored. We want to be needed, until we’re needed. Once we realize how much we’re needed, we look for our independence.

It’s a part of the human psyche -- a seeming contradiction, but emotions are rarely logical. To love is to want. How often do you want something you know you can have any time you want? Someone you know you have no chance of ever losing?

People only appreciate those things that are fleeting. We like what we either can’t have or know we won’t have forever. Most people try to remove tension from a relationship when what they really ought to be doing is figuring out a way to hold on to it.

Find a woman who will never need you, but will always want you and you’ll be the happiest man alive. That much I can promise.

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