Loving Dangerously: Why You Have To Let Go Of Those Who Reject Help

by Amelia Coggin

When love hurts, it hurts. 

A very special kind of hurt is loving someone who has completely lost touch with reality.

What do you do when your lover, who was once filled with passion and ambition, has been replaced by a lost and fairly disconnected soul; a soul that is falling deep into a life in the fast lane, that society portrays as glamorous and exciting?

One day, life got difficult, and they got a taste of a world where real problems are replaced with drugs, alcohol and skimpily-clothed women serving up cheap tequila shots. 

This little taste turned into a lifestyle, which is sending your lover down a bottomless, dark pit. By now, hopefully you have realized you can’t compete with this lifestyle, and you definitely don’t want to. (Took me a while, but eventually, I got there too.)

This type of life wasn't made for a relationship to endure, and you were left in the dust, along with the rest of your partner's goals and aspirations.

The pain you experience watching someone you deeply care about throw his/her life away without a single care in the world is somewhat similar to knowing that a fatal car crash is going to happen, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

What’s the hardest part? You can't tell them not to run that red light, call an ambulance or inform the authorities to prevent the tragedy that is about to take place. You have to turn around and walk away.

You can't help those who don't want it.

Unfortunately, the only one who can truly help your significant other is himself/herself.

They need to become aware that they have a problem and they actually have to want to do something about it. Until then, their relentless cycle of recklessness will continue.

You are not a fairy godmother.

You are a brilliant 20-something, who deserves adventure and new experiences.

Holding down the house and trying to keep your significant other out of handcuffs is not your responsibility, even though it might feel like it.

It's time to retire the wand and glass slippers.

They will bring you down with them.

Right now, your wellbeing is not in their concern.

Their conscience is taking a really long coffee break right now. They don't want to deal with anything that isn't easy, women being first on the list. (Even though everyone knows that anything easy isn't worth having.)

Trying to wrap your head around their life choices will spin you in circles, until you eventually break down and plead insanity.

Walk away with your mental health (somewhat) intact.

Know you did your best.

You offered a helping hand, but they didn't want it. And that is all you can do.

Everyone knows you gave it your best shot and it is not your job to pick up the pieces of their life. As hard as that is to realize, it's necessary.

Forgive the unforgivable.

During your hopeless attempts at being your lover's saving grace, they have, without a doubt, caused you an immense amount of pain.

The letdowns, false hope and heartache they have caused you while on their path to self-destruction is not your fault.

If they ever apologize, it will more than likely not be right now. In this situation, you must forgive them -- for your own mental sanity -- and move on.

Learn from this experience.

One thing you are guaranteed out of this situation is a lot of growth in maturity.

Take this hurt you are feeling, put some passion behind it and do something great with it. Move mountains, write songs and live life.

From pain grows wisdom, young grasshopper.