The Science Behind Bad Boys: Why You're Always Chasing Players
Have you ever wondered why you can't seem to catch yourself a nice, stable guy who treats you well and makes you feel special?
You keep saying you want a nice, emotionally understanding guy and yet somehow, you always end up in the arms of a player.
You tell yourself you're looking for someone good for you and yet, you always seem to choose someone who's all wrong for you.
We've all been there.
Getting played by a supposed Prince Charming is almost a rite of passage.
It's never a pleasant experience, but it does allow us to grow and learn from past mistakes.
So, why do we keep chasing these same guys and repeating the same behaviors if we know they're so wrong?
Luckily, science has the answer.
There are actual scientific and psychological reasons to explain why women are attracted to players.
Turns out the reason you can't stop chasing that player is plain and simple.
The Alpha jerk has stronger sperm.
Your poor choice in men isn't entirely your fault. It's actually genetics.
Your body tells you to want the aggressive jerk because nature is telling you he has stronger sperm.
According to Above Top Secret, “Women know that procreation with an alpha male will give her offspring the necessary genes to survive and be competitive so women in this sense are propagating survival of the fittest.”
You can't stop chasing the player because your body is telling you to get all of his sperm and make strong babies.
Once a player, always a player, and we'll fall for it every single time.
Doesn't it seem like whenever you're out of one toxic relationship -- with yet another heartbreaker -- you seem to end up in a new romance mirroring the last?
The thing about dating is we never really learn our lesson. It doesn't matter how many jerks we encounter in the dating world; we'll still be attracted to them.
We can't just change our biology to suddenly like the nice, quiet guy who keeps asking us out.
Researchers at Hartpury College in England studied 146 British women aged 18-24 and found even women with a high quantity of dating experience are still geared towards partners displaying narcissistic (read: assh*le) characteristics.
It doesn't matter how many times you've been burned; you just keep reaching out and touching the flame over and over again.
Women want hot sex over quiet conversation.
If there is one thing those bad, fierce, no good, sexy men bring to the table, it's a fiery sex life -- and this will always top the sweet little beta male.
A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy zeroed in on college-aged women and what they thought of the “nice guy” stereotype.
Researchers found women preferred the nice guy for a typical dating atmosphere but the passionate, unpredictable “bad boy” nearly always won out when it came to sex.
So, while women tend to prefer the ultra-nice guy for conversation and emotional wherewithal, we want the jerk with the muscles and the bad attitude to come home with us at night.
We think we'll be the ones to change them.
We always think a cheater won't always be this way. They just have to find the right girl, and once they do, everything changes.
It's true, even though the rhetoric has suggested otherwise: once a cheater does not mean always a cheater.
As Emmalee Bierly, a marriage and family therapist and relationship coach who specializes in sex therapy, told Elite Daily in a recent interview:
They want to change. They are motivated, and they want to make their relationship work. A guy or girl can change and stop [his or her] behavior, but [he or she] generally needs a reason to.
We always think we're the ones the players are going to change for. The problem is it's rarely true.
Old habits die hard, and though you may think this time will be different, you're only hoping for a different outcome for the same patterns of behavior.
Sociopaths are the sexiest people on earth.
While all players are not necessarily sociopaths, most sociopaths are players. According to Vice, sociopaths are the most charming, enthralling people on the planet.
Plus, they're the best in bed.
Dr. Anne Brown, a therapist and author of "Backbone Power: The Science of Saying No" told Vice, “They're very seductive, very charismatic, can be very likable.”
They may charm us and make us feel good, but it'll always be about them.
Players will manipulate your emotions. They put themselves first and just string us along for the ride.
It's hard to see it before it's too late, and by then, you're too tightly wrapped up in their web of bullsh*t.
If it's too good to be true, it probably is.
We want what we can't have.
Women are always attracted to the damaged, broken individual because most of us love a project.
What many see as a hopeless case, we see a work in progress.
We're nurturing by nature and want to tend to the battered and helpless.
Unfortunately, you cannot fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. More often than not, you're the one who'll walk away with pieces missing; he'll walk away unscathed.
While the player is an elusive, ever-enticing character, it doesn't mean you need to fall for him every single time you dare to date. There is absolutely hope for you to find a great, caring guy.
After all, you're a smart, wonderful woman who deserves to be with someone amazing.
The key is recognizing the traits that encapsulate a player's persona. Once you can identify these qualities, you can work towards avoiding them. It may take some trial and error but eventually you'll come out on top and end up with the man of your dreams.
It takes getting played to master the game.
“Player Gets Played” airs Wednesdays at 9:30pm/8:30c on Oxygen. For more information, visit Oxygen.com.