What Happens When You Rise From The Ashes Of A Toxic Relationship

by Paul Hudson

Moving on isn’t easy.

Well, sometimes it is. It’s easy when the person you were seeing didn’t mean much to you. It’s easy when the love you had for each other was shallow, selfish and incomplete.

But when the love you had for this person changed your very core -- when the distinction between the two of you began to disappear -- it's anything but easy to let go and move on.

But you must. You may not especially want to move on, but there's no other option. You can either move on and live your life, or you can hold on forever and never live at all.

Living in the past isn’t much of a life, especially when memories of the past bring you nothing but sadness.

What you’re looking for is closure. And truthfully, closure isn’t always possible. Closure makes sense only if you're looking for information that will help you fall out of love. (Examples: You're pretty sure your partner cheated on you, and you know that hearing the truth will be a last straw. Or, you know that seeing your partner's new self -- because we all change after breakups -- will help you realize that it's time to move on, too.)

And if this closure doesn't happen? Well, you have to convince yourself that you hate someone who you really love.

Thankfully, tricking yourself into moving on does work. You can remove the person from your life as much as you can, and you can distract yourself when thoughts about your relationship rise to the surface.

It’s not a permanent fix, but it’s the first step to getting closure and moving forward.

Toxic relationships are the hardest to get over. But when you manage to dig yourself out from the rubble and ashes, your strength and wit will multiply tenfold.

Like the phoenix, you'll rise again.

You get clarity.

You’re no longer miserable, but you aren’t ecstatic, either.

You realize that extreme emotions have their place, but they shouldn't be a regular part of your life. The highs felt really, really good, but the lows felt absolutely terrible -- and no high is worth that.

You’ve learned your lesson. Emotional highs are not the goal. The goal is to be content, calm, present and pondering.

It's not about mulling over what could have been. It's about wondering what the future can bring. You focus less on your misty memories; you think more about the ones you'll create.

The fog that's been clouding your vision for so long begins to recede. You can see again. You can breathe again. Most importantly, and for the first time in memory, you feel genuine hope for a happy life.

You slow down and focus on the things you know matter most.

The person who used to be your main priority may not have let you have other interests. (This is a toxic relationship.) But moving on from this sort of relationship means adjusting your priorities.

Now you can let yourself have other interests.

You take more time for your health, your passions, your larger goals, and for friends and family. You dive into your work, because you know that's the best way to keep your mind on the right track. By doing this, you make more progress than you ever had.

You slowly -- but surely -- start loving again.

Although you’re still bruised from the last relationship and may not be ready to hop into another one, you know it's possible to love someone else.

It's possible to find someone who actually loves you and treats you with respect. This person means the world to you and sees you in the same light. That's important. The love has to be mutual, and each partner has to give it to the same degree.

You used to think that you’d never move on, but that’s changed. You understand love better now. You understand what love means to you. You understand that you need someone who sees love in the same way -- who will love you back just as much.

In time, you'll open up more and more to the idea of loving again. And then you'll finally meet someone who you're willing to give a chance.

You may still be a little scared, but you know you're wiser now. You won't make the same mistakes.

You may not have learned all that you need to learn. But you'll learn faster this time around. And you know that’s what really matters.

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