I was at the local coffee shop the other day, waiting in line and minding my own business. But, I couldn't help but eavesdrop on a conversation between two women about a particular subject that hits a little too close to home for me.
"I can't believe he cheated on you with her."
"I know. Thats just how guys are nowadays."
"Yeah, I guess."
Isn't it sad that infidelity happens so often in modern day society that it doesn't even come as a surprise anymore? That it's almost normal to nonchalantly shrug it off and accept the behavior as something that "just happens?"
And it's not just the men who are cheating; women are catching on to this ugly trend, too.
Maybe, being cheated on is inevitable. Who knows? It seems to happen to the best of us.
From my personal experience, the best way to deal with infidelity is pretty simple: don't. You're not obligated to participate in a "relationsh*t."
That's not what you signed up for. No excuses means no excuses.
So, here's what I call my post-cheating Bible, a short list of commandments I've composed for myself, my friends and anyone else who needs a little guidance while going through a bad breakup involving infidelity.
Thou Shall Not Blame Thyself
"What could I have done differently? Did I drive him or her to do this? Was I not enough?"
These are questions that shouldn't be asked because there are no real answers. If you have these thoughts after a breakup or confrontation, then you need to fill a bucket full of ice water and pour it all over yourself until you wake up.
Let the cold shock you so hard that you'll have no choice but to come back to your senses. You are not the problem.
Thou Shall Not Let The Ex Guilt You
People who cheat are usually very insecure with themselves, so they tend to play off of this negativity in order to try and win back their significant others. Remember: They are not the victims.
You are the one who is suffering the most. Watch out for red flags like "You're always with your friends, you don't even pay attention to me," or, "You know I've been having a hard time at work."
Cut, and end scene. I call bullsh*t. Cheating is not ever a solution.
Remember Not To Seek Revenge
Two wrongs don't make a right. Hurting your ex will only pull both of you deeper into an already toxic, molting volcano that's ready to erupt at any given moment.
It's scary, I know. Just don't do it.
When your faith is being tested, the morally corrupt will give in to sin, and true colors will prevail for those who value and respect themselves and their relationships. Cheating is, in fact, a choice.
Thou shall not choose to sin during weakest moments of despair. Seek the light. It's always there for those who want to see it.
Thou Shall Delete The Ex's Entire Existence
This is the hardest part, but it must be done. Have your friends do it, if need be. Always do this as quickly and swiftly as possible.
Do not dwell because it will produce doubt. And doubt will throw you into a vicious cycle of breaking up and making up again. Out of sight, out of mind.
That is the only way it'll work. Unfollow all of your ex's social media accounts. Block your ex's number, change yours, delete photos and donate leftover personal belongings to Goodwill.
Pretend like your ex is an old folder on your desktop you never got around to deleting. Click, drag and place that folder and all its files into the trash bin. Done.
Forgive, And Thou Will Also Be Forgiven.
This is the final and most important commandment. There's no set time, as each individual will heal and come to terms in his or her own way.
Forgiving someone who has betrayed your trust does not mean he or she can be a part of your life again; it just means you have made your peace with the situation. You're ready to let go of all the anger and sadness.
Forgiving will help you move on with your life. Everyone makes mistakes, so don't forget to forgive yourself.
You are not stupid. You are not weak. You are not crazy or reckless.
Let yourself grieve. It's not your fault for letting your guard down. How could you have known? You trusted this person.
There are many different forms of cheating, and each shall be handled accordingly.
Keep in mind: The only person who knows the ins and outs of your relationship is you and the other person involved. This means the one person who knows what's best for you is you.
When it's all over and time has passed, just look back and smile because karma is a loving b*tch. That way, you don't have to be.