I was a freshman in college when I first realized that some men expected me to "put out."
I went on a date with a cool, older guy. At the end of the night, he walked me back to my dorm -- like I assumed any nice, normal date would do. We kissed goodnight outside my door, and I went inside without inviting him in.
This is when he FREAKED THE F*CK OUT. He slammed his hand against the door and begged for SOME explanation as to why I was doing this to him after he treated me to such a fun night. I laughed in his face. Because, I mean, WTF was going on? This guy was a lunatic.
But as time went on, there were more guys I wouldn't have sex with -- and more guys my friends wouldn't have sex with. And this insane behavior just kept on happening.
Sure, there were plenty of guys who were nice and normal. They didn't feel that they were "owed" sex. But it's the ones who did that always fascinated me. In what world were they entitled to this EXTREMELY intimate experience with me?
Most girls have a story about this happening to them. Don't believe me? Read along.
When he threw a tantrum like a 4-year-old…
“I went on a first date with this guy and then went back to his place to watch TV. When things started getting ~intimate~, I told him I didn't want to have sex, and he ripped off his shirt and almost cried and begged me to have sex with him. He was wearing this creepy purple stone necklace, and it was so big I was terrified, so I kissed him for, like, 30 more seconds and then ran out the door. I blocked him on EVERYTHING [on social media].”
When his body just had a natural reaction…
“Not sure how this one happened. But he got really mad and ended up coming in my bed. Like, I didn't [even] touch him. It was weird.”
When he took it way too personally…
“When I was a sophomore in college, I was in charge of planning the spring formal for my sorority. It's always held in Atlantic City, so it involves finding a venue, getting food and an open bar, getting a DJ and more. I brought along my boyfriend at the time. He was graduating from college that weekend as well. We went to the formal knowing that we would have to wake up at 4 am to get back home to Long Island so that he could get to his graduation rehearsal. We got to our hotel room at midnight after I planned an entire event that I couldn't even stay for. I was exhausted and didn't want to have sex, knowing we were also getting no sleep. He turned into a little BABY about it. He started getting upset and accusing me of being embarrassed by him and said he was going to sleep on the hotel room couch, as if we were some married couple. It was the most ANNOYING thing ever.”
When he tried to come up with a nice alternative for you…
“I was a virgin and in no way, shape or form planned on having sex with this guy who was way more experienced than me. But I thought I'd go for a quick make-out sesh outside of the party. When I told him I didn't want to have sex, he freaked out and INSISTED I give him a hand job. Not have sex with him, not give him a blow job -- no, he wanted a hand job. The guy legitimately stood outside and begged me for a hand job. It was weird.”
When he was so confident…
“I told this guy I wasn't going to have sex with him before we even got back to his apartment. When he offered to grab a condom when we were hooking up with him, I had to remind him that we were NOT HAVING SEX. Then he tried to convince me for an hour that having sex with him would be SO awesome. It became so annoying that I had to leave.”
When you really struck a sore spot…
“I have to say this one was somewhat on me. We were hooking up, and I told him to grab a condom. He grabbed the condom and was about to make things happen when I suddenly decided that I didn't feel like having sex with this guy at all. So I told him, 'Actually, I don't feel like doing this.' He freaked out and said, 'WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? Do I just seem like I'm bad at sex? Did I do something wrong?!!!' It was absurd. Like, chill out. I just didn't wanna have sex with you.”
When he thought he was the nice guy…
“I had been flirting with a guy I was kind of interested in and we went into San Francisco with two of our friends to stay the night. It ended up that we were staying in the same room, and he assumed that meant we would hook up. I was sick, and I had feelings for one of his good friends. When I told him it wasn't gonna happen, he left the room. I started dating the other friend less than a month later, and the guy who I had turned down basically refused to talk to me. A year later, and things are still weird between us, but I'm in a great relationship. The kicker is he always claims the mantle of 'good guy.' What a joke.”
When his "fight or flight" response kicked in…
“We were hooking up, and he was being so cute and great and was like, 'Should I get the condom?' I told him I didn't want to have sex and all of the sudden he just said, 'Oh. OK. I'm gonna go then.' And then he stormed out.”
When he was willing to do whatever it takes…
“I told him I didn't want to have sex with him, and he CLEVERLY tried to convince me by telling me that his penis was so small that I would barely feel it, anyway.”
When he was very clear about why you owe him sex…
“I was in high school hooking up with a very ~cool~ football player. He was being super nice until I told him that we were not going to have sex … at which point he exclaimed, 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I JUST FINGERED THE SH*T OUT OF YOU. THIS IS F*CKING BULLSH*T.' And then I couldn't stop laughing because, like, what? The laughing resulted in him storming out of the room in an offended huff. I was laughing too hard to even stop him.”
When he called you a “tease”…
“My f*ck buddy and I were in our senior year in college, and he came to my place to hang out with a bunch of mutual friends. I left the living room for a sec to get something from my bedroom, and he followed me in, closed the door and tried to start stuff. I was like, nah, not feeling it right now. So he stomped out of my room, called me a tease and slammed the door behind him. Temper tantrums are not a turn-on for me.”
When he could not let go…
“Freshman year of college (2011), I didn't want to have sex with a guy, and he literally would not leave me alone for the next two years of college. Every weekend that I went out to a party, he would come up to me (borderline blacked out), put his arm around me, and whisper in my ear "When are we gonna fuck?" #desperate It was literally one of the most appalling and pathetic things I've ever experienced in college. Pretty sure it still kills him to this day that we never did it, because he's definitely not used to rejection. Little did he know, sleeping around with the entire school would get him an STD. He was a joke and a half.”
When he told you that you were giving up the opportunity of a lifetime…
“This guy was trying to get me to have sex with him by telling me 'how beautiful' I was and how he 'just wanted to get closer' to me because we had 'such a unique connection.' I said -- in so many words -- 'F*ck off.' Finally, after the third or fourth time, I said no, and I started getting up to leave. And he was like, 'YOU DO NOT WALK OUT ON ME. I WALK OUT ON YOU. DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN? YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY AGAIN.' As if this was some sort of opportunity to win a million dollars or something. I started laughing because it was so absurd and, as you can imagine, it did not go over well.”
When he was just really sad…
“He cried. Just turned away and cried.”
*Name has been changed.