Is there anything more insulting than a guy doesn’t finish when you bone?
We’re always told how horny boys are, how they just want to stick it in something and get their rocks off.
It’s supposed to be SO easy. You just put it in a vagina, move it around a little bit and PRESTO! Boys will jizz.
Well, if it’s so f*cking easy, then why doesn’t it always happen like that?
You’re in the middle (or so you think) of a perfectly good hump session, and all of a sudden, your BF rolls over and just goes soft.
WTF?!
What in the sh*t just happened? It’s a very stressful situation for a lady. We’re already in such a vulnerable position being naked and everything.
Now we have to deal with the fact that we apparently have unsatisfactory bedroom skills.
I know. I know. It’s not the guy’s fault, and it’s not our fault. There are a lot of factors that go into splooging. Sometimes keeping an erection is hard (pun intended).
A guy could just be nervous. Or maybe he just has whiskey dick. Who knows?
When he says he’s tired, he may actually just be tired, especially if he’s on top. That is a lot of planking!
Just because he didn’t get off doesn’t mean you suck at sex. It’s perfectly normal, and it happens to everyone.
Yeah, I know, easier said than believed.
We’re all going to freak the f*ck out if a guy doesn’t get off when we bang. It’s really awkward, and no girl wants to be the one who couldn’t make a dude come.
We’ll get all up inside our minds and freak ourselves out about it because that’s what we ladies do best.
No amount of consoling will heal our wounded pride.
Here are 92 crazy ass thoughts every girl has when a guy doesn’t come:
1. Is he finished?
2. He’s just rolling off me?
3. Wow. Is he seriously just rolling off me?
4. Did he come?
5. I don’t think he came.
6. He definitely didn’t come.
7. Should I ask?
8. Yeah, he didn’t come.
9. I came.
10. Real hard.
11. I’m sweaty.
12. This is awkward.
13. Was it something I said?
14. Was it something I didn’t say?
15. Are my boobs too small?
16. Does my waist look weird?
17. This is really embarrassing.
18. Wow! #BLESSED.
19. This has never happened to me before.
20. Wait.
21. Has this happened before?
22. This definitely isn’t normal.
23. Does he not like me?
24. Is he gay?
25. He’s probably gay.
26. Does that mean I just f*cked a gay guy?
27. Am I to forever be the girl who had sex with a gay guy?
28. No, he’s not gay.
29. He doesn’t even know when I’m stealing clever lines from "Sex and the City."
30. This is the worst thing in the world.
31. Besides that earthquake in Nepal.
32. God, I’m an assh*le for even thinking that.
33. Seriously, though.
34. Is this because I’m ugly?
35. I knew I shouldn’t have skipped the gym this week.
36. What happens now?
37. Should I jack him off or something?
38. He said he’s just tired.
39. Why didn’t he just ask me to get on top?
40. Maybe he is just tired.
41. Or maybe he doesn’t like me.
42. He probably doesn’t think I’m sexy.
43. It’s because I farted in front of him.
44. I knew that was a mistake.
45. I’ve ruined everything.
46. He’s never going to have sex with me again.
47. I’m going to have to become a nun.
48. Just so people think I’m being celibate by choice.
49. Or I could be a cat lady.
50. I f*cking hate cats.
51. Should I try to have sex with him again?
52. Yeah, he’s not having that.
53. Why doesn’t he want to have sex with me?
54. He’s clearly not interested in me.
55. Maybe I should have fondled his balls more.
56. No, shut up.
57. This isn’t about me.
58. Remember what Cosmo said.
59. There are a lot of factors that go into having an erection.
60. And a lot of factors that go into keeping one.
61. And a lot of factors that go into getting off.
62. This has nothing to do with me.
63. This is his problem.
64. Not mine.
65. Girl power!
66. Feminism!
67. What if it is my fault though?
68. Ugh.
69. I’m having so much anxiety about this right now.
70. He has no idea how freaked out I am.
71. I can’t even say anything.
72. If I say something, it will either dissolve into a weird apology or a fight.
73. I’d rather shoot myself than have a fight right now.
74. I’m so tired, but my brain won’t be quiet.
75. I’m actually still kind of horny.
76. Is this because I’m actually horny or because I want to f*ck the pain away?
77. My poor pride.
78. It is so damaged.
79. I thought I was really good at sex.
80. I guess I am not.
81. My life is over.
82. Should I just kill myself now?
83. Sex shouldn’t be stale this early in a relationship.
84. I thought guys only didn’t come when they were like 70.
85. This is f*cking bullsh*t.
86. Does this mean he won’t want to have sex with me anymore?
87. Probably.
88. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU!
89. Or is it?
90. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, B*TCH!
91. GAH.
92. I’m going to sleep.
