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Stop Chasing Him: The Difference Between Being His Hookup And His Girlfriend

Ladies — especially those in college or in their early 20s — we have all been through this...

You meet a guy, resist the temptation and wait a little while before giving up the goods. Then, you finally consummate the relationship, hang out sober and actually begin to develop feelings for this person. You text all of the time, bring each other to formals or events and everyone assumes you are together.

A few months go by and your girlfriends convince you that it’s time for the talk. You know he wasn’t really looking to commit, but you figure that since you’ve been acting like a couple, you should just become one. Nothing would change.

To your utter horror, after you mustered up the courage to talk about it and his face goes blank, he says he thinks you're cool and has so much fun with you, but he doesn’t want a girlfriend. He doesn’t want to date you.

You go home and cry and call all of your girlfriends to garner advice. They all say the same thing: If he won’t date you now, he never will. And they’re right. So, you end it and your only communication is through disturbing drunken texts that make you cringe come morning.

About three months later, you update your newsfeed on Facebook and to your surprise, Mr. Dickweed is in a relationship with Ms. Perky Tits on Facebook. You breathe fire, your head spins around twice and you wonder: “Why the f*ck wasn’t it me? What does she have that I don’t? What the actual f*ck?”

Well, it’s really not you. It’s him. There is a reason: Life is about timing. We’ve all heard it before and we’ll hear it again: If a guy, in the beginning of the relationship, says he truly doesn’t want a girlfriend, don’t take that as a “well maybe he will change his mind.”

It's just NOT going to happen. He truly does not want a girlfriend. You can be the coolest, smartest, hottest thing alive and no matter how much you might act like you are dating, if he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he will never date you. Rest assured, it has nothing to do with you.

I have seen this situation happen to my friends over and over again. A guy has a certain checklist of things (or girls) he wants to do before he settles down. Once he decides he is ready to settle down, he will date the next girl who reciprocates his interest.

That girl just got lucky; she was at the right place at the right time and he was ready. You, on the other hand, caught him at a point when his focus was on his school, career, bros, family or something else entirely.

As Miranda from “Sex and the City” said, "Men are like cabs: When they're available, their light goes on... It's not fate; it's dumb luck." When a cab is available, its light goes on and the next person it picks up goes along for the ride. Woman pretty much have had their lights on and have been ready to pick someone up since, well, birth.

Ladies, let’s turn this around. No more heartbreak and no more asking, “Why her and not me?” If you are looking for a relationship and he says he does not want to commit, run in the other direction. He is not the one for you.

Focus on yourself instead. Be the independent, sexy betch you are! This is our time to be selfish, so why focus on some guy who isn’t ready?

Trust me, ladies, it’s not scientifically proven, but I promise the relationship you have with yourself is way more important than with the one who got away.

Photo via We Heart It