Breakups are hard for a million reasons. You invest a part of your heart into another person, and to have it not work out is physically and emotionally draining.
You lose a future, a partner and worst, a friend.
This is a person you spend hours with laughing, talking and confiding in. Suddenly, one day, you have news and you can't really share it with anyone.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering what advice my ex would give me on my current relationship. We once told each other everything.
I wonder what I was like as a girlfriend. Was I really crazy, or were those words thrown at me in a bad moment?
If we ever meet again, perhaps in a different world, I know exactly what I'd like to say.
We don't talk anymore and that's probably for the best. We moved on and settled into new relationships, embraced new careers and started new lives.
Maintaining some sort of connection would probably be more harmful than beneficial at this point, and I think we both realize that.
I don't truly believe you can just be friends with someone you once loved, but I so badly wish I could just ask you what's been on my mind.
Do you miss me?
It's been a while since we last saw each other. It's been even longer since we last spoke.
Do you think of me when you can't find matching socks? Do you remember me when you see horses?
Do I cross your mind when you're pulling the new girl's hair off your clothes? Yes, I still shed at an alarming rate.
Do you roll your eyes when reruns of "House" come on because I knew every word?
At what point did you realize "us" was not something you wanted anymore?
I know the end was pretty bad. We fought all the time. I can't recall a night where we weren't going to bed angry with each other.
I wanted out as much as you did, but we both already invested so much into this relationship, I couldn't stand to walk away.
What was the breaking point for you? I wish I knew what the straw was that broke your back.
Was I a bad girlfriend?
It takes two to tango, and I'm sure I played as much a role in our demise as you did.
Hindsight is 20/20, but I feel like I did everything I could to keep us from sinking. Did I call too much? Did I expect too much, need too much?
I wish you could tell me if I did anything wrong. If I did, I'm sorry and hope I don't repeat in the future.
What advice can you give me on my new relationship?
Am I screwing this up before it even has a chance? Do I worry too much? You always had an opinion on everyone and everything.
You never struggled to tell me when I was wrong; I wish you could tell me now if I was the one to blame for this fight.
I wish you could tell me if the things I make a big deal over are worth making a big deal over.
I wish you could tell me if I'm really crazy.
Do you think he's good for me?
We were together for long enough that you got to know me on a molecular level.
You knew how I took my coffee, which side of the bed I slept on and what scared me. You knew my favorite songs and that I didn't like ice cream.
I wonder what you'd have to say to me about the guy I'm with now. If we are both being objective adults, do you think he's right for me?
You know what it's like to date me and what I need. You even recognized that you couldn't give me what I need, but can he?
I'm sure you have things you want to know but will never ask, and that's okay. I'll probably never get an answer to my questions and that's okay too.
Maybe, in different world, in a different plane, in a different time, we'll get to chat.