The Way To My Heart Isn't Being 'One Of The Guys', It's Being Yourself

by Dan Scotti

Personally, I’m not sure there’s one specific “type” I look for in a woman. I don’t need every girl I date to have a certain body type.

There really isn’t one character trait, in particular, I look for when I’m dating, either.

I’ve always been attracted to individuality – so when I watch a woman just be herself, regardless of what that might look like, it’s usually enough.

Whether that’s from an interest standpoint, or a stylistic one, I’ll always be drawn to the woman who marches to her own tune – because nothing exudes confidence like originality.

When a women is just being herself, you can tell she’s comfortable in her own skin; enough to act as transparently as possible.

I love women who don’t give a f*ck about what other people think.

I don’t want to date a woman who’s looking to please every face in a room; people pleasers are generic – and most of the time they’re fake, at that.

I’d rather spend my time around someone with opinions – real life opinions – even if I might not agree with all of them.

At the end of the day, I would really rather not date someone who I constantly agree with – on all matters.

Sure, it might be nice to have some mutual interests; but there comes a point where you’ll probably want some diversity in your significant other – outside of your own interest base.

Otherwise you could just date yourself.

There’s nothing that drives me away quicker than a woman who acts a certain way in order to please me.

Hey, I’m into tennis. I’m a Deadhead. I like Harmony Korine films.

But just because I like these things doesn’t mean I’m looking to date a woman who also likes these things.

Especially if she’s only interested in them to appear a certain way that she thinks I’ll find appealing.

I’d rather see things from a woman’s own perspective, especially when it’s different from mine. I want to see her eyes light up about her own passions, not the things I might be into.

Similarities might bring people together, but differences will keep them interested.

I deal with myself, and my interests, for 24 hours each day – when I’m with my woman, I want a breath of fresh air.

Many women find themselves in tricky situations when they're around the rest of the “guys.”

Whether it be on a Sunday afternoon in the fall, or at the park during the summer, girlfriends, since the beginning of time, have dealt with the classic debate revolving around our other male friends.

In one corner, we have: assimilate – or as society likes to deem it – "become one of the guys."

First of all, I'd like to comment on how stupid I think the phrase "one of the guys" comes off, and how inherently offensive it is to women.

I don't think that being able to kick back in front of a television, with sports on, requires any one gender.

I certainly don't think women have to be "guys" to hang out with other guys.

Still, when we’re palling around with our boys, many women will feel this type of obligation to try and fit in, so to speak.

Not to say that all women don’t share the same level of interest in sports, beer and rowdiness – that we and our pals, might – but when they don’t, it’s usually evident.

For instance, if my girlfriend spent the entire day “talking trash” to my college friend about some basketball game – even though I knew she really wasn’t into sports – it would just come off as phony to me.

I’m not looking for a girl who can get along well with my friends (although I don’t want her to clash, either); I’m not looking to date “one of the guys.”

At the same time, when a woman tries to act a certain way, it shows she’s truly interested in making me happy.

While I definitely don’t need a woman who will act any way, just to please me, it does show compassion and a willingness to compromise.

In a way, I’d rather a woman be fascinated about my interests as opposed to completely oblivious. So if ignorance is "Option B," I guess neither is ideal.

I’d just want my girlfriend to act natural around me, regardless of whether or not that’s how the rest of “the guys” are acting.

If she’s genuinely into sports, and she’s having a good time with my guy friends, fine – so be it.

However, if she’s acting artificial, it’s not impressive for me to have to watch an act.

Women should keep in mind that they can show an interest in specific things – or their man, in general – without having to behave any way, out of the ordinary.

For instance, if I were dating a woman who was into fashion, I would surely try to reach some type of common ground with the things she was passionate about.

That said, I’m not sure that I necessarily have to change who I am – or how I act – in order to show her I’m interested in the things that she is. And I don’t think that she would want that, either.

I mean, if I started carrying around a Balenciaga clutch – to keep my weed paraphernalia in – and started criticizing her shoe selection, I don’t think she would be especially fond that her boyfriend has a newfound love for “style.”

Especially if she knew that I had zero prior interest in the world of fashion, beforehand. See what I’m saying?

It would just seem fake – even though my intentions are good. If a woman wants to to know the way to my heart, it's just being herself.

Whoever that is.