Relationships

Oxymoron: Why People Who Condone 'Ethical' Cheating Have It All Wrong

by Jessica Faaborg

Ethical cheating: If that isn’t the epitome of an oxymoron, I don't know what is.

A new dating website promotes the practice of telling your partner you will cheat before you actually cheat and helps its users “commit” the act.

My question is, how is that cheating? The term "cheat" is defined as the following: “To act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination."

The act of cheating in a relationship is one of the most horrible things to do or have done to you.

The amount of deception involved in meeting another person and engaging, even if solely for the purpose of hooking up, is so incredible, I don’t understand exactly how people do it. But that is not the question at hand here.

The question is, will this dating site that offers ethical cheating be a good thing or turn into more of an Ashley Madison website situation?

If there is a relationship or marriage at stake, and it has gotten to the point where one person feels the need to cheat, shouldn’t the next step be communication, rather than coming up with a new username?

Communicating your needs to your partner specifically in an attempt to save the relationship is vital, as opposed to simply running away and enjoying the physical intimacy of another person.

If it is, in fact, simply a physical need one has, have the parties involved tried talking to each other about those needs and fantasies?

Does your relationship simply need some spice? Or is the couple already past that, and accepting the fact that they cannot physically satisfy each other? How much of that will be disclosed through the dating website?

If a couple is at a point where they can effectively communicate the need to be with another person intimately, that should not be called an ethical cheat.

Instead, they should label it how it is: an open relationship.

If that same couple is at the point where they are so incredibly frustrated with each other, they are looking to a third party for fulfillment, instead of an ethical cheating dating site, they should probably look into counseling before bringing another person's feelings into the situation as well.

Personally, I believe a dating site such as this will do nothing but promote horrible behavior, as opposed to actually helping people who may need it.

It sounds more like a hook-up site for married folks to cheat under the face nuance of “my wife knows…” But does she?

If this site is going to promote “ethical cheating,” how far will that go? Will the user profiles have input from both people in the relationship?

Will there be a disclosure from one spouse allowing the other to cheat? Without going to those lengths, it’s very hard to see what would make this site different from the hundreds of existing sites that promote this sort of thing.

I do believe lives will be destroyed, due to people taking advantage of the system.

It is all too easy to click on the checkmark that says "looking and wife knows" and let the truth come out with the mistress after the fact.

If a person is ready to cheat, he or she is going to cheat -- with or without his or her partner's consent.

That type of behavior in adults needs to stop. It's time to take consideration of other people's feelings.

However, if two consenting adults choose to have an open relationship with clear boundaries communicated, and the third party is also aware of those boundaries, then why not have a website that puts those people together?