The Types Of Men You'll Encounter In Southern California

by Amanda Jo

I was definitely born in the wrong era because trying to date in 2012, especially in Southern California, simply makes me want to cry. Forget phone calls and flowers, consider yourself lucky to get a text or even the time of day from a Cali guy.

I actually prefer being single here as most guys are addicted to something awful: drugs, hookers, cigarettes, pills, lying, booze, or  just trying to get laid. If this isn't the case, they are either  unemployed or intellectually inept.

So as you can see, for us traditional girls, dating options here are extremely limited and at an all time low... like a non-existent kind of low. If you’re a “lady” living here in sunny So. Cal, you know exactly what I’m talking about. But if you don’t, let’s explore further.


The Hot but Dumb Industry Bro

I swear, 98.8% of San Diego guys are made up of industry bros, which for me is the enemy. They work in clubs because, well… why not!?

They make more money than they will ever make again the rest of their life, it requires no effort/thought, they can sleep in until 4pm daily, do drugs on the reg and on top of all that, they’re surrounded by dumb drunk chicks with fake body parts who think they’re the sh*t.

It’s also like an adult fraternity, there’s always one bro just a phone call away who’s down to hit up a MMA training or a secret Mystic Tan sesh.

The Pro: He is so dumb and obsessed with himself that you can at least score one free drink out of him (Via his drink ticket stash because he's that successful). Oh and his shirt is off?

The Con: Wait, besides everything? He’ll only text you when he’s drunk/ bored and you’ll get absolutely nothing from him other than that free drink and maybe some late night action. Next.

The Older Guy You Think Should Be Normal Because He’s Older But Is Actually Worse Than the Younger Ones

I don’t know if there is something in the water here or what, but Cali guys honestly do NOT want to grow up. I thought age was the source of all of my dating woes so I started dating older guys with “careers”, but that plan backfired as well once I quickly learned how the last 37 year old with a “stable job” participated in more Sunday Funday’s than anyone else ever before.

Add that he's miserable with his 9-5, the fact that his roommate was a fluffy white cat named Bailey, declined credit cards when ordering me a single glass of champagne not to mention serious insecurity issues and...BAM! Back at square one, dateless in Diego.

The Pro: Nothing, he was so lost being 37 going on 16. All I learned was to trust my gut- never date a guy whose roommate is a fluffy cat, I knew better.

The Con: He’s miserable with the fact that he’s pushin’ 40 with nothing to show for himself, and those insecurities will soon drag you down. Let the man baby figure it out on his own. Next.



The Rich, Old, Gross Guy

The old guys with money here are probably the most entertaining because they legitimately think they’re P-Diddy. They spend the day draping their old bodies in the finest threads Fashion Valley has to offer and by the time the sun sets, they’re mass texting every girl they know telling them to “Grab your girlfriends for dinner and drinks.”

He will then drop 15k all to hopefully swoop up some ass for the night. Bad news though, he usually ends up leaving down 15k and alone. Hey, by the way my rent’s due, can you deposit $1,000 into my account by tomorrow?

The Pro: Free food, champagne and shopping sprees… and paid rent if you’re DTF. Guess this one has a lot of pro’s if you’re good at closing your eyes.  Just. Keep. Sippin’.

The Con: Forget the fact that he’s old and gross, you’re now a prostitute! Yay!

The Creepy Guy Who is TOO Mature/Internet Predator

If I get one more “Oh baby girl let a real man take you out” email I might scream. Sure, every girl wants the mature guy who will take care of her, but no one wants the guy no one else wants. If you’re too desperate to “show me what’s up” I am over it. Have some confidence and stop verbally telling everyone how amazing you are.

Also, you are most likely dating out of your league as attractive men of value do not copy and paste email’s to 536 chicks online. Stop going for 10’s when you’re a 6, stay in your lane and you won’t have to beg for dates. Plus, isn’t that what is for?

The Pro: Nothing, he’s just annoying and I’d rather stay single.

The Con: We say we want a mature guy with his sh*t together but honestly, too thirsty is just as bad as being dehydrated. You’ll feel suffocated within the hour of your first date. Next.

The Frontin' Bawse

Guys here secretly watch too much of The Kardashian's because Scott Disick wannabe's are swarming the streets. These are the broke guys who pretend they're richer than they'll ever be and tell lavish lies to get you to believe otherwise. I dated this super cocky guy who swore he was an "entrepreneur".

He would shower me with pricey flower arrangements, fancy hotel rooms, brag about billion dollar deals etc... turns out he was part of an off-shore investment banking fraud and really lived in a piece of crap apartment with approximately 10 bro roommates. I started to suspect something was up when he told me he bought his iPhone off Craigslist... millionaire's don't shop for used electronics off Craigslist, sorry. Honestly, if you use Craigslist for anything other than football tickets you creep me out.

The Pro: Pretty flowers and nice hotel rooms and I didn't even have to touch him. Warning: I would have had to eventually though. Gross.

The Con: Realizing his entire life was a lie and that I’m not moving into a castle anytime soon.

As you can see, there are numerous reasons why I willingly stay single here in San Diego. Guys are either lazy fools or stalker alcoholics living some sort of crazy lie and there is no happy medium. Perhaps an immediate move is in order to find myself a quality man, with a quality character because I 'm sorry San Diego, but I’ve been here 28 years and so far your men just suck.

Amanda Jo | Elite.

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